“April
is the cruellest month” wrote the poet T S Eliot in the opening lines of The
Waste Land. Forgive the poetic exaggeration,
but I do find April an emotional month, filled as it is with so many significant
family anniversaries and the memories that accompany them.
The
first in my grandfather’s birthday on the 3rd.
Almost
a fortnight elapses before the next dates arrive, starting with the birthday on the 15th of the uncle I never knew. My mother’s baby brother Jack
died within a few weeks of his birth in 1921 and she grew up an only child.
Thankfully
the next birthday is a happy one – that of our eldest grandson, who turned 16
on the 17th and is bidding fair to be as tall as his 6’4” father! It’s
hard to believe this mischievous toddler now has his head down over his books, revising
hard for his GCSEs.
 |
| Grandson #1 trying to walk on water |
The
very next day we celebrated the birthday of my niece and goddaughter, now in
her thirties and waiting happily for the birth of her first child in the summer.
It’s wonderful to see the wheel of life continuing to turn like this and to
know I will soon be a great-aunt again. Where are those knitting needles?
 |
| Two sets of cousins - the birthday girl below |
The
next date is one that will always be etched in my heart. On the 20th
my dear father died, only minutes before midnight and the beginning of my
mother’s birthday on the 21st. They had been married for almost 37
years, had brought up five daughters and had given them the very best start
in life any child could wish for. I can never be grateful enough for the
sacrifices they made to support us through school and university on
working-class wages, an education neither of them had been fortunate enough to
enjoy.
After
that came my birthday on the 24th (the last of my 60s – help!) closely followed by a twin celebration
on the 29th. For DH and myself there was the milestone of 47 years
of married life, while at the same time we marked the day when Grandson#2
reached the status of teenager. Where have those thirteen years gone? Blink and
you’ve missed them.
 |
| Grandson#2 finding it a rather slippery place to be |
There
are plenty of other significant family dates scattered through the year, but in no other
month is there such a concentration. If not a cruel month, April is certainly a
poignant one for me - a rainbow mixture of happiness and hope for the future, mingled with an enduring sense of loss.
PS Don't tell DH, but I forgot to include another significant April date - the anniversary of our first meeting on the day before my 21st birthday. That truly was my lucky day.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting how there can be 'clusters' like this in life... For not-quite-so family reasons, February was long the bug bear for me - starting with the death of my own dearly loved and honoured grandfather; for a short month, it seemed always to be the longest. So glad to read that more positives are entering the month to counterbalance the negatives for you! YAM xx
Thanks, Yam. When I was a child, April was a great month with my grandfather's birthday, my mother's and mine providing plenty of celebration. Time has inevitably added the sadnesses, but the positives keep coming through. You're not the only person I know for whom February became the longest month.
DeleteThis appears to be a common theme among bloggers Perpetua. I loath February but it is not the month most crowded with memories. That honour goes to August.
ReplyDeleteMy mother was born on 12th August (the day grouse shooting begins my father always said). John and I moved house on 4th August 1973, and again to this address on 26th August 1980.
He and I met on the 28th August 1970, the day before his 37th birthday and also my parents wedding anniversary.
John died on 11th August 2009 and his funeral was on 25th August.
There are other anniversaries in that month too, so it has some of my best and worst memories all jumbled up.
I love the way you have illustrated your post - lovely reminders.
Thanks, Ray. I love any excuse to browse through our family photos. It's interesting you say this is a common theme among bloggers. I haven't come across it, but it's very human to look for patterns like this in our lives.
DeleteYour August anniversaries are even more numerous than my April ones and I'm very impressed that you can remember the actual dates you moved house so long ago.
Your mention of the day you met reminded me of a date that had slipped my memory when writing this. DH and I met the day before my birthday - my 21st as it happened -and married a year later.
I wonder if your delving into family history makes you so aware of dates. You've made me realise that I can't remember which months my grandparents died.
ReplyDeleteActually I think it's the reverse. I've always been very date-conscious and had a good memory for dates and this has fed my interest in family history, though exact dates are usually hard to find. My grandparents lived next-door to us, so their deaths made an indelible impression.
DeleteHow odd that, even though we are sisters, April is not a stand-out month of sadness for me any longer. In the first decade or two after our parents died I found 20/21 April a really tricky time, and one that is impossible to ignore, as 21 April is the queen's birthday (she is exactly ten years younger than our mother) so i would (for my small daughter's sake) try to emphasise the positive aspects by getting photos of Mummy out and talking to The Daughter about her, bringing her back to life for a day with anecdotes and memories of her personality, her values and her achievements.
ReplyDeleteI found November even harder, with Mummy's death and Daddy's birthday just a week apart, and such a grim time of year, and again, Daddy's birthday was impossible to ignore as it's the same day as Prince Charles's (what is it with our family and royalty? LOL!).
But these past few years, more recently, since my second marriage in 2003, I find I no longer brood on my losses and bereavements, my mourning is done, and I am thankful for that, as it was so very hard when it was fresh.
March is my big month, with The daughter's birthday on 12 March, The Dog's birthday on 17 March (St Patrick's Day) The Husband's on 21 March and Mothering Sunday at some point towards the end of of the month.. If means I can make a fuss of all my nearest and dearest, my best beloveds, and then at the end of the month, I get some fuss back
Sorted!
May is also pretty brilliant, with my birthday and our wedding anniversary on the same day, 31 May. All sorts of excuses to push the boat out.
Can't wait...!
I didn't mean to imply that April is a standout month of sadness, Marion, but it is by far the month with the greatest concentration of family anniversaries for me and therefore one with a real mixture of emotions. - happiness, hope and yet a sense of loss (no longer grief).
DeleteI'm one of the lucky ones who doesn't find any of the winter months dark or difficult, so my sense of loss in November is no greater than it is in April and because of DH's birthday on the 23rd, November has its share of celebration. It's just that as I get older and the range of family anniversaries grows, each of them somehow acquires more significance for me and I can't help reflecting on them from time to time. Don't forget that I've now passed the age at which Mummy died and in another year will reach the age at which Daddy died and that does give one pause for thought. Also I was very close to Granddad and his death hit me very hard, so yes, April is a poignant month for me.
I found November difficult because our mother died in it, very suddenly and with little warning. I didn't have a trace of SAD as a child or young person, only later, when I had to battle through life with energy-sapping illnesses and a terribly difficult and unreasonably demanding first husband.
DeleteNovember is often cold and wet, the days are much much shorter, one is forced to stay inside more and as a result there is a tendency to turn in on oneself and what one finds there "inside oneself" makes all the difference.
I cannot have as many memories of Granddad as you as I was eight when he died, but I do remember the shock of his rapid decline, and of course I was at home all the time in the following months and witnessed how Mummy was swamped with grief at times, witnessed it and had very little maturity or understanding to help me cope with it. This isn't a competition - God forfend - but you do small children everywhere a disservice if you think they feel less because they express less.
No competition, not a shred of implication that others don't feel things as deeply or more deeply than me, whatever their age. Just my reflection on my particular month of memories.
DeleteApril is a poignant month for you with happy/sad anniversaries. My husband and I have noted that we have such dates spread throughout the year and not concentrated in a few weeks. It's the anniversaries of the death of a dear and much-missed parent or close relative during the Easter and Christmas period that triggers sad thoughts for both of us. Also I tend to find November when we have Remembrance Day a difficult month. Thankfully we can both appreciate the present and be grateful that we're here to celebrate the grandchildren's special occasions.
ReplyDeleteI think these things work out differently for each individual and family, Linda. DH's pattern is quite different from mine, with his significant dates scattered pretty evenly throughout the year. It's always harder if a sad anniversary coincides with a major festival such as Christmas.or a time of reflection such as Remembrancetide, whereas happy dates add joy wherever they occur. Like you I'm always grateful to be here to watch our grandchildren grow up, something my parents and DH's father were deprived of and which they would have enjoyed so much.
DeleteApril certainly is a bittersweet month for you, Perpetua. So many anniversaries, it is hard to take them all in! I do love the photo of your lovely tall grandson, walking on water, which they do at that age, really. And the gorgeous photo of you two gorgeous young things, faces fresh with the excitement of a life together. Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteAnd there's another I forgot, Patricia, which is my father-in-law's birthday on the 13th. It makes April a reflective month for me as well as a happy one with all the birthday celebrations. I too love those photos of the grandsons enjoying the river. They are both growing very fast and Grandson#1 is considerably taller and leggier now. I have to stand on tiptoe to hug him! As for our wedding photo, we were very young and very broke and very happy and have been very blessed in our years together.
DeleteI think the significance of certain months evolves over the years Perpetua - July has always meant my DH' s birthday on 3rd & our wedding anniversary on 20th but unless he arrives more than 2 weeks early or later than his due date it will also include the birthday of our expected grandson!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're right, PolkaDot, and that evolution is different for each individual and family. Your month is July and Marion's is March and mine April, with November a close second, with other special days more evenly scattered through the year. I'm looking forward very much to adding a new great-nephew to the list. :-)
DeleteYou could be writing about me and my family's joys and sorrow in April, Perpetua, and May carries some of the same. My niece being born on the anniversary of my grandmother's passing a few years before, and wedding anniversaries and birthdays. It is interesting, isn't it, how dates and months stand out for so many reasons.
ReplyDeleteWe had a rash of of family deaths on members' birthdays for several years. It came to a point of critical mass - the my grandnephew had the grace to be born on my birthday (the day on which my own uncle died). Joys and sorrows; you paint them together in words here so beautifully.
It's interesting how these things can cluster, Penny, and of course a death on a birthday, or vice-versa, adds another dimension for ever. I remember coming home from my college interview in December 1964 to find that in my absence my first niece had been born on the anniversary of my grandmother's death four years before. Joy and sorrow mingled and I can never forget that date. This intermingling of birth and eath makes the church's belief in the communion of saints very real to me.
DeleteApril is like that for me. My dear father, a favorite aunt, a too early lost cousin, and my dear daughter were all born in April. I love April, but it brings up so many memories of those now gone. I have no other month with a cluster of birthdays of those no longer with us like I do in April.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your your anniversary and on reaching the end of your seventh decade. Life truly is short. How does it all move so quickly?
I wish I knew, Sally, and also how to slow time down as it seems to speed up with age. :)
DeleteI too love the freshness and hope that spring brings to April, but they also heighten the poignancy of these anniversaries. I should have mentioned my dear father-in-law's birthday on the 13th, another lovely man gone far too soon. But like you I'm grateful for my children and grandchildren who make life so fulfilling and also great fun. Those grandsons keep me young!
It sounds like April is a happy-sad month for you. It's interesting how grief can stay dormant, then suddenly surface again and leave you feeling a bit raw. Maybe never as much as when the loss first occurred, but still, it's there. It's nice the month is interspersed with some happy things to balance out the sad ones.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it, Kristie. I've sometimes been taken completely by surprise at an upwelling of grief after a long period of getting on with life again. All sorts of things can act as a trigger, though music or a long unseen photo are particularly likely to do so. Thankfully there are a lot of happy dates in my life with more coming along all the time.
DeleteIt is strange the way in which anniversaries of both happy and sad occasions often occur in clusters, and for you April is obviously a particularly poignant month. Nearly all of my immediate family, sons, grandchildren and both DiLs all have their birthdays following soon after Christmas, needless to say this gives me a headache every year!!
ReplyDeleteDo hope that your grandsons exams go well for him, it is a tense time.
Thanks, Rosemary. He's working very hard, so we really hope everything goes well.
DeleteYes, the clustering of dates can be very pronounced and yours sounds even more extreme than mine. But thankfully for you it is a happy, if perhaps rather expensive, cluster. :-) So much gift-buying in a short time must be hard work for you.
April is a busy one for my family too - births and deaths, first meetings, etc. September is another busy one for birthdays. :)
ReplyDeleteIt looks like clusters are very common, Sarah, but it's good that yours are a mixture or just a nice happy one.
DeleteApril is for you as May is for our family. Lovely memories, even for the saddest anniversaries, where there is loving family. Your photos are lovely!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Pondside. I do love going through our old photos, though most are still in hard copy only. These months happen and I would always rather remember with a mixture of happiness and sadness than not remember.
DeleteI'm glad your sad anniversaries are somewhat counterbalanced by happy ones, such as meeting DH the day before your 21st birthday & the birthdays of your grandsons. My mother died during Holy Week at the beginning of April, 35 years ago in 1980. My next significant date is in August this year, when I shall hopefully pass the age my mother was when she died.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ricky, so am I. I'm fortunate that no month of the year only has a sad anniversary for me. All are a mixture, just as life itself is and April also has our wedding anniversary which is always very special. You'll find that reaching the age at which your mother died has a particular poignancy.
DeleteIt really is a bittersweet month for you, Perpetual. It's so wonderful, though, that through sorrow and celebration, there has been so much love in your family! And happy belated birthday! Yours is just a day before mine and I left the sixties this year! I'm only the second person on the McCoy side of the family to reach 70, so I'm grateful. And congratulations on 47 years of marriage! A real achievement for you both!
ReplyDeleteIt is, Kathy, but life can be pretty bitter-sweet at times. Yes,I feel very fortunate in the love I've known and the love I still experience. Happy belated birthday wishes to you too. I'd forgotten that your birthday falls so close to mine. My immediate ancestors weren't very long-lived on either side, so reaching 70 next year will be quite a milestone for me too. As for the wedding anniversary, we're hopefully on the countdown to our golden. :-)
DeleteWhat shines through here is your love for your family. You've written them a lovely little tribute here.
ReplyDeleteOur April, too, is a month stuffed with family birthdays, though with fewer poignant memories crammed into it than yours. (And oh, I'm sorry, I've just written my first post in a month and now see that I have been very unoriginal in referring to Eliot too!)
Thanks, DB. Yes, we have our ups and downs like any family, but I feel very fortunate to be part of it and I love them all dearly.
DeleteOne of my sisters naughtily traced back the glut of April birthdays to happy summer holidays the year before and there may be truth in her jest. :-) As for quoting Eliot, he and Browning are the poets who spring automatically to my mind when April is mentioned and I'm sure to yours too.
I suspect your sister is right: most of our family birthdays are either April or September: i.e. summer and Christmas holiday babies! ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd why not?. A perfect way to celebrate a holiday. :)
Delete