You may remember
that, back in the spring, DH and I had to cut short our stay in the far north of Scotland in order to return
to Wales for the funeral of our elderly farmer neighbour. Our long and much-valued
friendship meant that this was the only possible course of action and we were
so glad to have returned in time to say goodbye to him.
Last Friday
evening I was deeply shocked to receive an email from the husband of one of my
oldest and dearest friends to say that she had died and giving us the details
of her funeral. We knew last year that she had been diagnosed with a
life-limiting illness, but the end had come far more quickly than any of us had
anticipated. Indeed DH and I had been making plans to visit her after our
return home next month and were looking forward to seeing her again.
 |
| The college where T and I were students |
Now, almost 49
years after she and I met as freshers in our first week at university, DH and I
will be going home in a week’s time to attend her funeral. Since we heard the
news DH and I have talked a lot about her. Amid my sadness and the accompanying
tears there has been a good deal of reminiscent laughter, as we looked back
over the long years of our friendship and remembered our eventful years as
students and the later mutual visits which were always so enjoyable, if never
frequent enough in our busy lives.
The next few
days are going to be very hectic, as DH and I try to deal with the outside
commitments already on the calendar, plus all the packing and closing-down
which accompany our return home every autumn. Summer has come to an abrupt
end for us and even the weather is suitably autumnal, being cold enough for DH
to have lit the wood-burner today. Unless I am quite unusually organised, the descriptions
of our doings which I had been planning to put into my posts over the next
couple of weeks will have to wait for a quieter time and I know you will forgive
me if I don’t manage to visit your blogs
as often as usual.
C’est la vie –
that’s life, as my French neighbour would say - teaching me yet again never to
take anything for granted and to cherish the good things, like friendship, while
I can.
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Hari OM
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt condolences for the loss of a dear one. As you say; grab the best, leave the rest. Do take care in your preparations, as untimely as they are and safe journey. Blessings, YAM xx
Thank you, Yam. I feel that more strongly with every passing year. So often we fill our lives with the unnecessary and don't realise our mistake until it's too late.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about your friend. As you say, history does appear to be repeating itself.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy what you can of what is left of your stay and travel safely.
You are absolutely right to cut your stay short but it is sad that you have to.
Blessings.
Thnk you, Ray. Yes, it's been a sad way to end both our visits this year, but some events change all our plans. We have a couple of pleasant meetings planned with friends this week, but apart from that it's the packing.
DeleteSo sorry you have lost a dear friend from such an exciting formative time in your life when all things seemed possible and you never dreamed one of you would one day have to witness the death of the other. Pain at the time of loss is the price we pay for love, as HM Queen said at the London memorial service for 9/11 victims. It struck me as so true when she said it, and I am sure you and DH are feeling it to be so now.
ReplyDeletePerfectly summed up, thank you, Marion. Yes, we seemed to have the whole world ahead of us, when, in our third year, T had the enormous room with the circular window above the front door and we all sat there making our plans. What the Queen said is absolutely true and I've seen it over and over again in my ministry of taking funerals and talking to the bereaved.
DeleteSo very sorry about your losing your dear friend, Perpetua. It is the suddenness of it that overwhelms, even though you knew about her illness. 49 years is a long time for friendship, and the memories of those years will have to fill the void. Do take care on your homeward trip. I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bonnie. You're right about the suddenness being so overwhelming. We all thought that she would have longer, but it was not to be. But we all have a lot of good memories of those years, even DS and DD who remember her well from childhood visits. A long friendship is a real gift.
DeleteMy condolences on the death of your friend of so many years standing. I hope that amid the tears and reminiscent laughter you will find rest and consolation in spite of the unplanned extra busyness and travelling.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nancy. We're fortunate that the funeral is not until late next week, so that we can round off our time here with some meetings with friends as well as with busyness. Cherishing friendships becomes even more important when such a longstanding one comes to an end.
DeleteI'm so sorry. It sounds like she was a wonderful person and a good friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks you, Jennifer. She was a lovely, funny person and we all have so many good memories of our times together.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about the death of your friend. Even when the prognoses is life limiting, the suddeness of it all still comes as a shock. Memories are very precious. Have a safe journey home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Molly. Yes, the suddenness was a great shock, especially with a visit planned in only a few weeks time. You're right that memories are very precious and we are fortunate to have so many happy ones.
DeleteLife has a habit of dealing us surprises, but even in the midst of death you have those wonderful memories. Have a safe journey home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shirley. Yes, life is full of surprises, pleasant and painful, and we just have to cope with them when they happen. The memories are a great comfort as we had a great deal of fun together over the years.
DeleteSo sad for you, Perpetua; you have had a very long friendship with this special lady. It is strange that as your summer holiday has been abruptly ended, the summer has also ceased - at least this week. As we fly into France next week, I am not sure which season to expect to find! Safe travels.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Patricia. Yes, we've known each other since our callow youth and that makes a great bond, kept alive by many happy memories. As for the summer, it's been a very odd one in Europe - often warmer and sunnier further north in the UK than it has been in much of France. There has been a lot of rain everywhere in Europe, so make sure you have rainproof coats and footwear, as well as clothes for both warm and cooler weather. You'll still have a wonderful time. :)
DeleteI am so sorry that you have lost your friend without the chance to meet up again...but what a memorial to her your reminiscences, the laughter...while she lives in your memory, while you talk about her, she is still with you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Helen. Your last sentence is so true and a great comfort. She had a very vibrant personality, so our memories are vivid and often very amusing. I'm still very sad we couldn't have one last meeting, but I wouldn't have wanted her to linger.
DeleteI'm so sorry you didn't get a chance for one more visit with your dear friend. Lifelong friends are such a treasure and their loss is so painful, very much like losing family. Thinking of you as you cope with this loss and hope that the warm and joyful memories of your friendship sustain you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy. I'm very sad that I couldn't see her again. You've written often about the importance of long friendship and you're so right. Having known someone so long and had such fun together is a great gift and we have a lot of good memories to enjoy and revisit.
DeleteI'm so sad for you that you have lost such a dear friend. I hope all the wonderful memories you have of her give you some comfort in the coming days and weeks. You are so right - we should be very careful not to take things for granted, and we need to cherish our friends and all the other good things we are surrounded by in this life.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristie. She was a lovely, vibrant person and it's hard to know I won't see her again. But the memories are certainly there, lots of them, and they bring a smile to my lips at the very thought. I think we're all prone to take things for granted. I know I am and this shock is a wake-up call to me not to fall into that trap in the future.
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss - even if you know that life is limited, getting news like you did is always a shock. Come safe home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pondside. We had all thought she would have more time, but sadly we were wrong. Thankfully we have so many good memories and that is a great comfort.
DeleteSo sorry to hear that you have suddenly lost a such an old dear friend but all the reminiscences of your shared history will keep her vibrant & alive in your memory. Bon courage for the decamp operation and safe travels back to Wales. [don't worry the blogs aren't going anywhere]
ReplyDeleteThanks, Antoinette. Though we knew it would come before too long, the suddenness and prematurity was a great shock. You're right about the memories. She was a vibrant person and our memories of her are therefore lively and often very funny. Laughter featured a lot in our friendship. The decamp as you put it is now routine, thank goodness, and is proceeding normally.
DeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend Perpetua. Thank goodness we have memories. How would we manage without them xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ayak. A big shock and a deep sadness, but the happy memories are a great comfort. You're right - the thought of life without memories to enjoy is an awful one.
DeleteI am so sorry to hear of your loss, Perpetua. All losses are painful, but, the loss of such a long-time friend and all the love and life she means to you is difficult. Safe travel as you head back home, sharing memories along the way with DH, praying, laughing, crying as well. I will be thinking of you and sending virtual hugs of comfort your way.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Penny, your words and hugs are much appreciated. As the reality sinks in, I'm finding so many memories coming back to mind, many of which had been almost forgotten over the years. We're now concentrating on finishing off things here, ready for our journey home and the sharing and mutual comfort of the funeral next week.
DeleteI was so sad to see this Perpetua. I hope the sharing memories continues to make you smile through this sad time. ...and have a safe trip. Fondest thoughts. Jx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janice. I was very sad to have to write it, but people have been so kind and the happy memories really are a comfort. Some of the student days ones make me smile at the mere thought.
DeleteDear Perpetua, I think that your final words about never taking anything for granted are so wise. I'm sorry that you've lost a friend of so many years but I know that you are remembering that friendship with gratitude. When my dearest friend died, I grieved her death while still having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that she'd chosen me to be her friend in the convent and afterward. So much laughter and sharing and simply being is part of a good friendship and for that, always, we can be grateful. Be gracious to yourself as you move through these days of packing and returning to England. Peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dee. You are so right. However sad and painful it is to say goodbye to a dear friend, the friendship itself was a great gift and I really am grateful for it. The laughter and sharing were very important and the memories of that are truly precious. I'm quite sure that more and more memories will come to the top of my mind as time goes on and when I get home there will also be the photos to remind me.
DeleteI'm so very sorry for the loss you've experienced, Perpetua. I am deeply saddened at the loss of a good friend. I understand those tears. I will be thinking of you as you close up summer and take the time you need to accomplish all that is necessary. We'll look forward to hearing from you again when you have the freedom to relax back into posting and visiting. There are seasons for everything. ox
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debra. It's a loss I shall feel for a long time but I'm so glad we were good friends for so long. There are indeed seasons for everything and in this early autumn that appears to have arrived outside, packing up seems absolutely the right thing to be doing. We're doing it gradually and taking time to just be as well.
DeleteDear Perpetua - what sad news to read, I am so sorry that you have lost such a dear friend. She became a friend to you at a very important time in your younger life, and your shared memories will always be with you. Safe travels Perpetua and take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rosemary. Yes, becoming friends at that formative period of our lives was important to us both and laid the foundation for a life-long friendship. It didn't matter that we didn't see each other very often in later years. When we did meet, we simply picked up the threads where we had left off and always enjoyed our time together.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda. It's made me very sad, but also grateful for all the fun we had over the years whenever we got together.
DeleteSorry to hear you have lost such an old and close friend. Safe travels home.
ReplyDeleteThanks, BtoB. I shall miss her a lot, but have a lot of happy memories of our long friendship.
DeleteOh, what a sad time for you. It's impossible to replace friends of such long standing.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Vic. You're right. I've be blessed with good friends at different times in my life, but each is irreplaceable.
DeleteSo sorry to read that you have lost a good friend. Safe journey home.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Annie. It was a very sad shock and we will both miss her.
DeleteDear Perpetua
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your sad news. Every friend has a special place in our hearts and lives and I know that your and T's long friendship will continue to nourish your own life.
I am so glad you were able to say goodbye to her at her funeral, and understand that there was no question that your plans should not change. I deeply regret that I recently missed the funeral of a dear friend lost in similar circumstances when J and I were on holiday in France.
Spindrift51
Thanks, Spindrift. Yes, we were fortunate to be friends for so long and I have so many happy memories of our times together. A lot of laughter was usually involved.
DeleteIn fact the funeral is not until this Thursday to allow one of her sons, who lives on the other side of the world, to be there. This has made it possible for us to do everything we had to here and still leave in time to be there. We've been packing the van today, before the bad weather arrives, and will catch the early ferry on Tuesday. Hope to catch up with you soon after our return.