I’m typing this
at the kitchen table in a little house that’s just been turned upside-down so
that new carpeting can be fitted in the living-room and hall. We bought the
carpet a couple of weeks ago (a nice remnant at a very good price) and the
fitter should have been here with it this morning, raring to go. So far, at nearing
mid-day, we have an upside-down house, no new carpet and no fitter…
In other
circumstances this wouldn’t be a problem worth mentioning, but unfortunately
these aren’t other circumstances. Late on Saturday evening we had an email from
the son of our farmer neighbour in Wales, telling us that his elderly and chronically-ill
father had died peacefully in his sleep and that the funeral would be this Thursday.
We have been friends
and neighbours for over 40 years, ever since DH and I moved into our shabby old
farmhouse as a couple in our twenties with two small children. Our neighbour
was then in his late forties, a busy, hard-working dairy farmer, but never too
busy to lend a helping hand when we needed one. He and his son sank a new well
for us when the old one proved insufficient for our needs, all for just the
cost of the materials.
Until the
regulations changed and milk had to be stored in sealed tanks until collected,
we bought all our milk from their farm. I have such vivid memories of watching
him or his wife ladle totally fresh and un-homogenised milk into our one-gallon
carrying churn, knowing that the cream would rise to the top and be able to be
scooped-off to be poured over puddings. Those were the days.
Since the news
arrived we’ve had three days of chaos – packing the van, saying our goodbyes, moving
furniture ready for the carpet-laying, even cancelling my birthday present
order from Amazon, since I won’t be here to receive it. If the fitter doesn’t
turn up we’ll have to leave the furniture where it is and get the carpet fitted
on our next visit.
For some things
are far more important than a bit of chaos or a delayed new carpet or the loss
of the last few weeks of our visit. Saying goodbye to someone we've known,
liked and respected since we met him nearly 41 years ago is essential – so this
evening, come what may, we’ll be heading south.
Update at tea-time: The carpet is being swiftly and expertly laid and an early evening departure is now a certainty.
As Robbie Burns said ... "The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley", but in this case, while carpets may or may not be laid, and furniture replaced, the old friendship of good neighbours over rules any other action. Safe journey home Perpetua:)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shirley. It's not the first time Burns has been proved right when we've been away, though never for such a sad reason. The fitter has just arrived and is busy making up for lost time, though the furniture may have to wait for our return. Whatever happens we have to be on our way today.
DeleteSo sorry to hear of the passing of such a good and kindly friend, Perpetua. A sad reason for your sudden departure, but of course, there is no question you must be there. Travel safely down from those stunning highlands, and I hope all goes well with the carpet installation, especially if you are not there to supervise!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Patricia. He was a lovely man and such a good friend and neighbour. Nothing would make us miss his funeral. We'll drive as far as we can this evening and then camp overnight and arrive home tomorrow. And thankfully we will leave the carpet fitted after all, as it's being laid as I type. I'll be thinking of you over these next few days. xxx
DeleteHe was a very sweet man, memorably so, though I rarely met him, and only years and years ago. Your DH took Harriet (aged about seven) with him to get milk one morning when we were visiting, and your friend showed her a brand new heifer (always a good thing on a dairy farm, a healthy new heifer) born in the small hours of that morning. He asked Harriet her name and called the calf after her.
ReplyDeleteHard to forget a gesture like that. I hope the funeral is everything those who loved him would want it to be.
He really was, Marion - kind and gentle, with a lovely sense of humour and such a way with children. Thanks for sharing that lovely story of Harriet and the baby heifer. A big event for a young child to have an animal named after her! I remember how he let our two have fun choosing a couple of kittens after one of his farm cats had a litter. They grew into gorgeous cats.
DeleteThe funeral will be a typical Welsh farming funeral with a big attendance and some wonderful singing. That was very much the case when his wife died a few years ago.
She had another cow named after her two or three years later. The father of her best friend at her dancing school was a dairy farmer and he gave all his "girls" names, so one in Oxfordshire was named after Harriet as well! But one of the biggest compliments to her as a child was when a young teacher at her primary school approached me in the playground as asked would I mind if his soon-to-be born daughter was called Harriet as well. "She's a great kid, so active and engaged in life, but always slightly untidy. A one sock up, one sock down, Just William, sort of girl. Every home should have a Harriet!"
DeleteWhat an accolade!
Safe drive home, and mind t'trams, as they say where we come from!
Lucky Harriet. No-one ever named anything after me to my knowledge. :-) I love the fact that the teacher wanted to call his daughter after her and even more the reason for that decision. A Just William sort of girl - perfect. :-)
DeleteHello Perpetua,
ReplyDeleteAs you say, one just knows when everything must be put on hold because one is needed or wanted at a particular place at a particular time and all else is insignificant in comparison. And, it is at moments such as these when one's own concerns are relegated and one sees that there are things far more important to attend to. Being there is the biggest thing one can do and we are sure that you will be received warmly by the family who you have known for so long.
Our thoughts for a safe journey are with you as you make the long drive South.
You've summed it up perfectly, Jane and Lance. There are some situations which trump everything else without discussion or hesitation and this is one of them. It's inconceivable that we wouldn't be there to say goodbye to such a longstanding neighbour and friend, so everything else must fit round this or be forgotten. We will head south this evening on traffic-free roads and get as far as we can before finding somewhere to camp for the night. Breaking the journey like this makes it so much easier.
DeleteSorry to hear of the need for your sudden departure back to Mid-Wales, Perpetua. Once more it seems you're living up to the title of blog by being Perpetually in Transit. Very glad to read in your replies to the first few comments, that the carpet fitter has made it just in time.
ReplyDeleteI've officiated at numerous farmer funerals and they do turn out in force to remember their own. And as for the Welsh & their singing.......! Safe travels & I look forward to hearing from you again once you've settled down, at least for a short while, back in the hills of Mid-Wales.
We had to do the same thing a couple of years ago, Ricky, when my mother-in-law was taken suddenly ill. Having to change plans like this comes with our peripatetic lifestyle and we've learned to react quickly and close down the house almost like clockwork. The scheduled carpet-fitting was just an unusual complication.
DeleteFarmer funerals are very distinctive as people come from a wide area to pay their respects Small Welsh hill farms have always relied on mutual help at certain times and the farmers know each other very well. Our friend had a very good singing voice and was a longstanding member of a local male voice choir, so the singing at his funeral will be truly memorable.
I'm sorry to hear you've had to make a sudden change of plans. The odd thing is, right before I read your blog I was reading Patricia's (Red Cardinal), about her having to cancel her trip to Italy and Paris due to health issues. It is a reminder to me that life can take us by surprise, and that we should never take things for granted. I'm also very sorry to hear about the loss of such a good neighbour and friend. Having grown up in a farming community, I know how deeply connected people become, almost like extended family. Have a safe journey south, and I hope your carpet installer shows up.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristie. I too read Patricia's post earlier and it intensified my awareness of how insecure all our planning can sometimes be. It's not the first time we've had to cut short a visit to the north. The last time was because my dear mother-in-law had been taken ill, thankfully not seriously as it turned out.
DeleteYes, you'll know all about the bonds that link farmers as they battle the elements and the sheer cussedness of making a living from growing and rearing living things. We'll be on our way this evening with the carpet completely finished. After his delayed arrival the fitter working very fast and well.
Safe trip.
ReplyDeleteIt's another face of fellowship, isn't it.
Thanks, Helen. You're spot-on there. It's the fellowship of shared labour, sometimes under the most difficult of circumstances. Our neighbour died in the farmhouse where he was born, so is embedded in the village community.
DeleteI'm sorry, Perpetua. It sounds like a stressful time, but you're doing the right thing. You're very committed to what is right, and that is admirable. I hope the installer shows up soon. Yesterday, I had workers here for about four solid hours installing a new security system. I hate that I need it, and I hated having them traipsing in and out, but it's good to have the job completed.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer. I don't think it's so much a question of doing what's right as what we know we have to do, both for the family and for our own sake. We would find it hard to forgive ourselves if we weren't there. I'm glad to say the carpet-fitter arrived in the early afternoon and has been working very hard ever since. It shouldn't be very much longer before he's on his way home and we're on the road south.
DeleteMy condolences Perpetua. When someone dear to you dies, it is good to be able to console yourself and family with wonderful memories. I pray you have a safe journey there and home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bonnie. We've known our neighbour for so long that we have many good memories of his kindness and helpfulness. It feels like the end of an era. We'll taker the journey steadily and will be home tomorrow evening ready for the funeral on Thursday.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear of the passing of this kind neighbor. He certainly was a large part of your life for many years. I'm sure the other things can wait until your return. Safe travels.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sally. He was one of the first people we met when we moved to the area and has always been a perfect example of neighbourliness. The carpet will be finished before we leave, but everything else can wait until we return in the autumn.
DeleteDear Perpetua, one of the gifts of an ongoing friendship is the abundance of memories we have to comfort us when death comes. And it sounds as if you do have such good memories of his graciousness and generosity and deep down goodness. Please drive carefully. Peace.
ReplyDeleteDee, you've expressed this so well. Shared memories are the cement of human relationships and recalling them helps and comforts us when death severs the human interaction. He was a good man, through and through, and it has enriched our lives to have known him for so long.
DeleteWe'll be leaving before long and I promise we will take care.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteOh dear - It has been a glorious day here and I am sure up your way too - I do hope the clear weather stays with you right the way along the journey. so glad the carpet got sorted at least and you can leave with that off your mind. Safe trip. YAM xx
Thanks, Yam. Monday was our glorious day and we left on Tuesday evening to low cloud, drizzle and thick mist on the lee side of all the hills. :-) We finally made it home fairly late on Wednesday evening and still haven't unpacked properly after being out so much of yesterday. It will happen....
DeleteSafe travels Perpetua on your long journey back to Wales - I was sorry to learn about the sad death of your farming friend who has obviously been a good neighbour to you both for such a long period.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rosemary. We made it back safely on Wednesday evening and yesterday our kind and good neighbour was given a very fitting send-off in a packed chapel with wonderful singing after having died in the house in which he was born and had lived his long life.
DeleteSafe travel, Perpetua, and, of course, you must go back and pay your respects. It is always so sad when such a long-time friend passes on, but, good to remember such a good neighbor and friend at times such as these. I'm sure you and your husband's presence will be appreciated and a comfort as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Penny. We're so glad we were able to get back for the funeral as his son appreciated our presence very much. It was a very well-attended and fine occasion with a very fitting and often humorous eulogy, perfect for a man with a gentle but droll sense of humour.
DeleteSafe journey, Perpetua.
ReplyDeleteCarpets will be laid. Rooms will be put back in order and other visits can be arranged, but a goodbye to an old friend can only be made once.
Thanks, Honora. The carpet was laid and everything else will be done another time. The main thing is that we were there to bid farewell to a good man who had been a very kind and friendly neighbour to us for so long.
DeleteSafe journey. I'm sorry for the loss of your good friend and neighbour and both of you, your neighbour's family and all who gather tomorrow for the funeral are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThanks you, Linda. Your prayers are much appreciated. The funeral was a moving and very well-attended occasion with fine Welsh singing and a lovely eulogy with some very amusing anecdotes which summed up our friend perfectly.
DeleteI'm sorry that your stay in the north should be cut short for such a melancholy reason. A peaceful end to life, 'in proper season', is a blessing at least, and one which I hope brings some comfort as you say farewell to this fine old neighbour and friend. God bless.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the first time we've had to cut a visit short and there was no question of doing otherwise, DB. We had to be there and so were very many others who in many cases had known him all their lives. He was a kind, lovable and often very funny man and this was brought out so well in the eulogy given by a life-long friend. To die peacefully on the eve of one's 88th birthday is a good way to leave this life.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear of your dear friend's passing, Perpetua! Isn't it interesting how priorities change in an instant? I hope you have a safe journey and feel comfort in being with others who loved him, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy. It really was in an instant. We knew at once what we had to do and simply had to make it happen. We got back quite late on Wednesday and yesterday were two among at least 200 who gathered to say farewell to him in a fine funeral.
DeleteAs I write this comment you could very well be at the service for this much beloved friend. I am touched by the depths of this friendship and how long it has endured. I am always sorry that chaos has to enter in when there is something this pressing, but I know you worked it out as best you could, and will be a blessing to this family. ox
ReplyDeleteYour comment arrived before we left for the service, Debra, but I'm only now catching up with comments. We are so glad we made it back for his funeral. The large chapel was packed and there was plenty of fine Welsh hymn singing (which he would have joined in with gusto) and a lovely, affectionate and often funny eulogy from a life-long friend. A very fitting farewell for a good man.
DeleteHope your journey was a safe one and the farewelling a fitting tribute to a life well-lived by one well-loved. Take care.
ReplyDeleteLong and tiring as always, but thankfully safe. The farewell was beautifully done, with a packed chapel, wonderful hymn-singing (mostly in Welsh) and a really excellent eulogy given by a very old friend, who captured his personality and life's work so well. It was very touching to see so many white-haired farmers gathered to say goodbye to one of their own.
DeleteNo doubt you have arrived by now, as I'm late coming to your blog. Lack of internet because of storms, and also lack of time and inclination to blog or follow, being the reason.
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad when a friend of many years passes away. But you have many good memories, and that's the positive side of it I think. Enjoy the coming weeks xx
We got back fairly late on Wednesday evening, but still haven't even unpacked the van properly yet, with being out for so much of yesterday. Sorry to hear about the storms and lack of internet and I know all about lack of time or blogging mojo getting in the way.
DeleteWe shall miss him, but to die peacefully after a long life well-lived is all any of us could ask for.
Sorry to hear of the loss of your good friend and neighbour. I hope the funeral provided some comfort.
ReplyDeleteThanks, BtoB. The funeral was splendid, with a very big attendance of family and friends and some wonderful singing. A fine send-off for a good, kind and very likeable man.
DeleteI am , also, late to this post Perpetua. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and neighbour, but feel that the tribute he clearly received from those who attended the funeral must have been some comfort. Plans change...and we can usually determine what is important and what isn't when circumstances require us to rethink things. I think we are all thinking about Patricia at the moment..... Take care, Janice x
ReplyDeleteNot as late as I've been on some occasions recently, Janice. Yes, the funeral was very comforting to the many who turned out to say farewell to a very well-liked and respected man. There was never even a moment's hesitation on our part once we heard the news. Sometimes all our plans have to be laid aside for something so much more important. Patricia is very much in my thoughts just now.
DeleteAlso late to the post, Perpetua, but at least I know now that you made it and the service was a good and fitting one to say goodbye to a good friend. Sad news it was, and you are quite right, there was no decision to be made. Axxx
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Annie. It's good to see you whenever you can make it. You're right, the service was a wonderfully fitting farewell to a very kind and likeable friend and neighbour and we were so glad to be there to pay our respects.
Delete