The countdown to
my cataract operation has begun and I will confess to feeling rather a lot of
butterflies in my mid-regions at the prospect. Having been arranged three months
ahead, the provisional date of September 17th was always subject to
change and when the confirmation letter arrived last Wednesday this proved to
be the case.
My op is now scheduled
for the 24th and I have to be at the Day Surgery Unit, 37 miles away along
the winding trunk road across the Cambrian Mountains, by 8am. Heaven only knows
what time we shall have to get up to be there and parked by that time, but as I’m
unlikely to sleep well that night the early start probably won’t be a problem.
I’m already
finding it hard to concentrate, as I've always hated the thought of any kind of
procedure on my eyes, and I’m keeping myself very busy with blogs and books and
knitting and TV (our winter treat) and any other displacement activity I can
think of, gardening being at present on hold because of the weather. I’m sure
that with hindsight all this anxiety, and yes, fear, will prove to have been
unnecessary, but knowing myself to be at higher than usual risk of complications
means that my rational mind is losing out to basic emotions. Collywobbles rule
OK!
Now to make some
supper and settle down to a nice long evening of TV, the highlight being Simon Schama’s
fascinating series The Story of the Jews.
Roll on the 25th….
Image via Google
All best wishes for the success of the op...and I quite understand the collywobbles.
ReplyDeleteYou won't be easy in mind until it's over, so no wonder concentration suffers a little when reading.
I hope the weather permits some gardening...nothing like whacking the weeds as a displacement activity.
Thanks, Helen. Concentration has gone out of the window at the moment and I've never made so many typing mistakes in my life. :-) I keep telling myself not to be so silly, but it's not working. As for the weather, rain is beating against the window, driven by the first of the autumn gales, so gardening may not be on the menu tomorrow.....
DeleteAH how well I remember my own countdown, albeit for very different surgery - and you were there quietly supporting me with your love and prayers. Now it is my privilege to do the same for you.
ReplyDeleteCircle her, Lord,
Keep hope within and fear without
Circle her, Lord
Keep peace within and anxiety without
Circle her, Lord
Keep health within and sickness without
Circle her, Lord
With the love of the sacred three
Amen.
Catriona, that is beautiful. Thank you so much. I've just written it out to keep with me.
DeleteInterestingly, though the disease itself terrified me, I really was less anxious before both my cancer operations than I am at the thought of anything being done to my eye. A touch of phobia, I guess....
I can so relate to a phobia of surgery on one's eyes. I, too, am frightened of such surgery and have cataracts developing plus other eye issues.....am not seeing well at all right now. Perpetua, I hold you in my prayers and I love Catriona's prayer which I, also, have written down. Blessings.
DeleteFarm Gal in VA, USA
Hi Farm Gal and welcome to my blog. It's good to know I'm not alone in hating the idea of anyone doing something to my eyes. Irrational, I know, in view of how many people have perfectly successful cataract operations, but that's human nature for you. I do hope your eye surgery goes well when it happens and that Catriona's prayer helps you as it helps me.
DeleteThoughts and prayers for you from me too. Hope everything goes really well. An early start for you across the mountains. have a safe journey and a truly successful operation.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Molly. You're very familiar with the road in question and I'm hoping that at this early hour there won't be any hold-ups. At least the tourist traffic has diminished. :-) I expect that soon I'll be looking back and wondering what all the fuss was about....
DeleteA good use of twitter was another expert who tweeted her opinions whilst watching The story of the Jews. Fascinating. Of course I can't now see where I got it from (sigh). All the very best for your op.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rosie. Not being on Twitter, I have to ask. Doesn't following tweets at the same time distract you from watching the programme? I'm not very good at multi-tasking nowadays. :-)
DeleteI think the waiting is always the worst thing really. Once you are there, I'm sure the nerves will settle, and certainly by the 25th it will all be over and you can start looking forward to getting back to normal. I'll be thinking of you and hoping everything goes well. Lots of love xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ayak. You're absolutely right. Waiting is the worst part as the imagination runs wild. I'm much better when I have something concrete to do, hence the busyness. Getting back to normal sounds wonderful. :-)
DeleteEverything is always worse in anticipation than in reality. You have faced adversity before many times and are still here to tell the tale.
ReplyDeleteThis time will be no different, apart from the fact that dozens of your cyber friends will be adding their prayers and good wishes for the best possible outcome.
Love and blessingsX
You're right, you're right, Ray. This isn't the first time I've faced surgery by any means, but as I said, it's the thought of something being done to my eye which I find frightening. Sight is so precious. The prayers and good wishes are a huge comfort and encouragement and I'm very grateful for them.
DeleteVery best wishes for your forthcoming op. It is part of the human condition to allow our thoughts to roam the 'what if's of life' and after the event we wonder why we had those sleepless nights.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shirley. If only we could lock the worries away until they're no longer needed. You're right, the nights are the worst as there's no distraction, so I try to read until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. :-).
DeleteSo, a few more days to wait, dear Perpetua, and I can understand the collywobbles. Anything to do with eyes is fraught with undesirable possibilities. Catriona's prayer is lovely, and I am copying it also. Thoughts and prayers go with you.
ReplyDeleteI'll look forward to Simon Schama's Story of the Jews - love his work!
Thanks, Patricia. You're spot on with the undesirable possibilities where our eyes are concerned. I've had much bigger operations with fewer collywobbles, but that's human nature for you.
DeleteThe Simon Schama series is wonderful: beautifully illustrated, fascinating in its historical sweep and detail, and so sad and shaming in its portrayal of human prejudice.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteI would like to say that it is quite the courageous thing to admit the fear...&*> The whole idea of going under unaesthetic bothers me, never mind the procedure... and yet as a physician I can happily deal with open wounds and watching ops and the like. What I do know is that everyone in my acquaintance who has had their cataracts done has been nothing but pleased! So by all means have the jitters. Then enjoy the laugh at yourself after the event! Will be including you in daily prayers until it's all through and you're winking again. YAM xx
Thanks, Yam. To be honest, I'd be much less nervous if I were going under a general anaesthetic. It's the thought of being awake throughout, with only local anaesthetic being used, that's giving me the jitters. I too have met plenty of people delighted with the results of the same op and I'm looking forward to joining their number.
DeleteTry not to stress too much... it's a isolated event for you, but for the surgeons its something they've been doing for years. I love the term "collywobbles", my Dad uses it a lot. Must check out the origin. Sending you heaps of MM good vibes :-)
ReplyDeleteI will, MM - hence all the busyness. My surgeon was actually a brain surgeon until he hurt his back, so I keep telling myself that if he can deal with brains, he can certainly deal with eyes. Collywobbles is a word I grew up with, though I don't hear it so much nowadays. A shame as it's very evocative. :-)
DeleteI can imagine that the waiting must be very stressful, but you will be SO happy when it is all done and you are seeing clearly again. The anesthetics are so good now that you will find it is over and done with before you know it! I'll be thinking of you on that day.
ReplyDeleteI don't find waiting terribly easy, as I'd much rather be getting on with things once they are decided. It's the thought of being able to use my right eye again which is the great encouragement. I gather that the local anesthetic used works very well, but I'd much rather be asleep throughout, coward that I am.....
DeletePoor you - the countdown is always the worst. I can imagine the butterflies in the tummy. I'll be thinking of you on the 25th.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Annie. The butterflies are definitely alive and fluttering. Having to wait a week longer doesn't help, as I'd got myself mentally geared up for it to be tomorrow. Ah well, a week will soon pass....
DeleteI would be exactly the same as you Perpetua - positivity is supposed to be the key word, but that is difficult when anxieties come flooding to the fore. I shall be thinking of you, and looking forward to hearing that everything has gone to plan for you.
ReplyDeleteDon't mention positivity to me, Rosemary. As I found when I had cancer, it's easy to tell someone to "Think positive" but the average mind doesn't work like that under stress. Like most people I just try to crowd out the worries with other things. However I do look forward to being positive about the results. :-)
DeleteGood luck for your forthcoming procedure Perpetua. I can empathise with the anxiety you must be feeling, its what we do but I'm absolutely sure you have nothing to worry about. I've had three major eye surgeries over the last three years plus two cataract ops, all of which I was awake with local anaesthesia. It was fine and I'm sure your's will be too. You are in my prayers nonetheless. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Patricia x
Thanks, Patricia. I know I'm probably making a fuss about nothing, especially in comparison to what you've been through. You're a shining example of the good results of eye surgery. The trouble is that the imagination runs riot without any direct experience to go on. I'm sure that as and when I need the second eye done, the wait will be very much easier.
DeleteSending you a huge virtual hug and real blessings. (Catriona's beautiful prayer says it all).
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anny. A hug is just what I need. :-) Catriona's prayer is perfect and it's on my desk as I type.
DeleteHaving just retired from a very long career in ophthalmics I can put my hand on my heart and say you will be as nervous as everyone is beforehand, but delighted afterwards. Then you are likely to wonder what you were so worried about. That's my experience anyway !!
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I will probably be just as nervous myself when the time comes for me to need the operation, which is virtually inevitable !!
I'm sure it will go well and you'll be fine.
Gosh, we learn something every day. I had no idea you worked in ophthalmics, Jean. Thanks for the reassurance that it's OK to be nervous about something which is seen as a very routine procedure nowadays. I'm sure you're right that afterwards I'll wonder why I was so worried. I'm certainly looking forward enormously to seeing colours properly again and not having to rely on my left eye for all detail.
DeleteIt is always difficult when surgery days are put off, as it means more time to think about it. I know what you are going through, and I pray that you will not have any complications. So far, so good, following my 2nd operation, and I now require only reading glasses. It is amazing what the doctors can do, so rest in the fact that they know what they are about. For us, it is the not knowing that gives us butterflies. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I know you understand from your own recent experience and I'm hoping for results as good as yours. You're right, the doctors know what they're doing and we have to trust them.
DeleteI won't be having sight correction for the reasons I wrote about back in June, but it will be so good not to have cloudy vision, even if I still need strong glasses - a nice new pair, of course. :-)
I'm so sorry your surgery has been postponed -- what a bummer for you. My surgery is now a distant memory and I hope and pray you have the same positive results as I have had. I think the prayer above will be a very helpful 'mantra' for you.
ReplyDeleteAs for The Story of the Jews, I found it to be a very moving and personal tribute by Schama -- and one that at the end of each episode brings tears to my eyes -- very powerful ...
A changed date was always on the cards, Broad, as the first was a provisional booking, but of course I'd not actually expected it to happen. I'm really looking forward to it all being a distant memory, with a result as good as yours. The prayer is wonderful.
DeleteI thought you'd be watching Simon Schama too. It is intensely personal for him and the emotion in his voice as he recounted the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492 particularly moved me. A superb series.
It is natural to be worried before a surgery, with our minds wandering off to the what if's and why-evers, Perpetua. I did the same before both of my cataract surgeries. One thing I did do was to get a few books, light reads, on audio, to listen to afterwards. I would usually fall asleep, but, that was okay, too, as rest heals. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I've copied Catriona's prayer for someone else who needs just these words of prayer right now. Isn't it amazing how one soul touches another on these blogging pages?
ReplyDeleteIt's very reassuring to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like this before the surgery, Penny. Getting some audio books from the library hadn't occurred to me, but it's a wonderful idea. I'm such a reader and I don't want to do too much too soon. Many thanks for the tip.
DeleteCatriona's prayer is going to spread far and wide, as it deserves to. It is perfect for many such situations.
Sorry to hear about the postponement of your op Perpetua, though I was aware of the delay from your reply to my previous comment. Nor do I envy your journey over the Cambrian Mountains, in order to be at the hospital, (in Aberystwyth I presume), for 8.00 am :-( Let's hope and pray that there is no further delay.
ReplyDeleteAs I've remarked before, we are of a similar era - my mother regularly used to speak about 'having the Collywobbles' :-)
Like previous commenters, I thought the prayer posted earlier by Catriona was wonderful. I will print it out & use it in my own prayers.
At least we're not having to do the journey over Plynlimon in the winter, Ricky, for which I'm profoundly grateful. Yes, I'm having the op in Aberystwyth, but thankfully my consultant has an outpatients clinic much closer to home for the later follow-up appointments. Don't even raise the idea of further delay, though nothing is impossible...
DeleteI rather like the idea of being part of the collywobbles generation. :-) I don't hear it said often nowadays, or at least not by younger people.
i love the thought of Catriona's prayer spreading out like ripples on a very big pond.....
Hoping that your operation goes well. I have a friend who had cataract surgery just this spring and was rapturous about the results. He says that it's wonderful and amazing how much more he can see, how clear everything is and how bright and beautiful the colors all around him are. He says that "everyone should have it done" which of course is more or less what happens----most everyone gets there eventually. I'm sure you will feel the same.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Victoria in Indiana
Welcome to my blog, Victoria, and thanks for the reassuring comment. My head knows that the results of the operation will hopefully be everything I could hope for, but unfortunately the rest of me isn't listening to my mind at the moment. I'm sure I will look back and kick myself for having been so silly. :-)
DeleteOn a very pragmatic note could you not stay overnight in Aberystwyth rather than the added stress of a very early start.
ReplyDeleteThat would allow for bad weather, traffic problems and any indiocynchrosies of your accommodation would lessen the collywobbles. Incidentally collywobbles comes up as prescriptive text on my iPad.
Seriously, hope all goes well for you,
Madeleine
What a sensible idea, Madeleine, and one that hadn't even occurred to me. However, if I'm honest, DH and I sleep so badly in strange beds that I doubt it would work for us, especially since I wouldn't even be able to take advantage of the included breakfast - no food after 7am.
DeleteSigh.....
I love the fact that the iPad recognises the word collywobbles. That's more than my Chrome spell-check does. :-)
Another couple of days down now, Perpetua, as I've been a bit busy lately. Our neighbour's brother had an op a couple of weeks ago and was thrilled with the results. He said it wasn't half as bad as he'd been expecting either.
ReplyDeleteWe'll all be thinking of you and sending you lots of powerful, positive vibes.
Axxx
You've every right to be busy with your family and all their activities, Annie. :-) My rational mind knows you're right and I can see myself saying just what your neighbour's brother said, but I don't think the butterflies will disappear until this time next week. I'd better start whistling a happy tune. :-)
DeleteMy Dad had both his cataracts operated on last year, higher risk of complications just like you - a diabetic with macular degeneration then aged 83 - and he sailed through it. You will be fine xxx
ReplyDeleteI remember you telling me that, Annie, and it's so encouraging to read it again. Was he nervous beforehand? If not, he's braver than I am. :-)
DeleteDear Perpetua, my cataract operations went well, but like you, I was nervous and somewhat fearful. When that happens to me--as it did daily for eighteen months when I was experiencing acute rotational vertigo episodes from Meniere's Disease--I said, like a mantra, these words by Julian of Norwich: "And all shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceedingly well." They comforted me and assured me that all would be well. Perhaps they might do the same for you. Peace.
ReplyDeleteDee, I knew your cataract operations went well, but it makes me feel better to know that you too felt nervous beforehand. I'm so glad you love Julian of Norwich who is one of my heroines. I needed that reminder and shall now hold on to her wonderful words over the next few days. If only my operation hadn't been postponed it would have been all over by now. :-)
DeleteThat quote from Lady Julian had occurred to me, too - I meant to include it in my e-mail! Also, from her, 'He did not say, "You shall not be tempest-tossed, you shall not be work-weary, you shall not be discomforted." But he said, "You shall not be overcome.'
ReplyDeleteJulian is wonderful, so thanks for reminding me of another of her profoundly wise sayings. She knew from experience the truth of what she was writing, which is why it is still so powerful after so many centuries.
DeleteWill hoping for only the best, Perpetua. My father had the procedure done (one eye) and can't say enough about it. The light! The colors! Why, if he'd known it wasn't that big of a deal, he'd have done it YEARS before!
ReplyDelete:-)
You are nervous, because intelligent people can be nervous. But it's going to be better than okay, and very soon.
Pearl
That made me smile, Pearl. I can almost hear your father saying those things and hope to be saying them myself in a week's time. :-) Like him I only have one eye that needs surgery for the foreseeable future.
DeleteYes, I'm nervous, but also so reassured and encouraged by all the kind people telling me about success stories, for which many thanks.
Sending soothing thoughts to you. I can empathise - I am turned to a bag of nerves over any procedure, and a long wait doesn't help. Rational thought has little to do with the way we feel. I know there are supposed to be "coping mechanisms" we can use to deal with these situations but I have yet to find one that is a success! Displacement activity is a good place to start though!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sian. I know you know all about procedures and very much longer journeys to hospital than mine. It's odd how we keep expecting our mind to keep control of our feelings even when past experience has so often been the opposite. Ah well, this time next week it will all be over and I'll be going round like Long John Silver with my eye patch - but minus the parrot.:-)
DeleteAnd minus the peg-leg and crutch, too.. 'Arrr, Jim lad'!!
DeleteMy family's and my prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteHope that all will go well and you will be able to enjoy reading and doing the things you like:)
Hello Munir and welcome to my blog. Many thanks for your prayers and good wishes. Yes, I can't imagine life without reading and blogging.
DeleteSorry this is a rather late comment, but you're in my thoughts and prayers for peace of mind as you wait for your eye treatment and on the actual day.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Linda. I can't talk about being late as I'm very behindhand with reading and commenting. Oddly, the closer the op gets the better I seem to be coping. Perhaps it's something to do with the inevitability of it. :-)
Delete