I’ve yet to notice anyone talking about what to do when your well runs dry or your broadband slows to a trickle and, more pertinently for us at the moment, what to do when you discover to your horror that the drain to your septic tank is blocked and there’s no Dynarod service just round the corner! Yes, there are firms who will come and help you out – at a price - but they are miles away and often not available when you really need them.
All this explains why DH and I, instead of taking advantage of this week’s lovely spring-like weather to work in the garden, have been forced to don our wellies and oldest clothes and sally forth into the field behind the house armed with picks, shovels and drain-rods to do battle with a recalcitrant drain.
After much prodding and cursing we’ve located the problem and tomorrow, with the help of our farmer neighbour and his digger, we will hopefully solve it, but in the meantime I’m aching from head to toe with the unaccustomed hard labour and realising that I really am not as young as I was.
Now I’m off to put my feet up and relax with my knitting (this time birthday socks for DD) leaving you to enjoy one of my very favourite comic sketches. If only DH and I had had the Two Ronnies to help us, we’d have found the problem in a trice. J
I recognise this so well Perpetua. Our farmer came up trumps with a digger and a contraption that pumped out the compacted and backing up sewage tank....that was certainly a joyous momnet, when we realised it had worked. I hope it all gets resolved.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the sympathy, Janice. Only another sufferer can really appreciate the trauma. :-) There's now a hole in the ground above the place where the pipe is blocked, but DH has hit a rock too big to move singlehanded, hence the need for the digger. If not today, then tomorrow.....we hope.
DeleteWhy has your DH not rung my DH? Truly, we are in shouting distance at times like these, remember, Big Sis. The Husband is immensely strong, especially in the hands, arms and shoulders. Just the ticket if one needs a boulder shifted.
DeleteBecause it truly didn't occur to us, Baby Sis, though we'll b ear ity in mind for the future! We're just not used yet to having you so close by and our little group of neighbours up here on the hill have all lived alongside each other for decades and been used to helping out when needed.
DeleteThe farmer has just been and dug out a trench above the pipe, which will now need to be cut, so that we can clear the blockage, and a section replaced. But the end is in sight. :-)
Dur! Wot You Like? Next time, eh?
DeleteAbsolutely. Looking at the number of big stones which were dug out, it would have been a huge job even for two strong blokes. The pipe runs under the track which leads into the field and the stones were there to protect it from the weight of tractors.
DeleteShudder to think of having that kind of "fun" with our fosse....
ReplyDeleteUsed this sketch last semester to illustrate [mis-]pronounciation. Students quite enjoyed it and it remains a classic.
Fingers crossed it will never happen to you. Our French fosse is fine, thank goodness, installed in 2004 and totally aux normes, but this one is MUCH older.
DeleteThis is one of my all-time favourite Two Ronnies sketch and I love the idea of using it in teaching.
I had a moment's panic when I read the first few lines, then sank into relief when I realised our own 'place in the country' is well connected to the mains of all necessary services!
ReplyDeletePoor you, hope the sock knitting relaxes those parts that need it and that all is flowing freely again. Axxx
Poor Annie, sorry to have panicked you. :-) There are lots of houses in the area with full mains services, but not up here in the hills. Still, being here does have its compensations.....
DeleteThings are feeling much better this morning after a good night's sleep, thanks, and DD's first sock is coming on a treat. :-)
WE have a regular 'clean out' once a year. We also have a pump on the rubble pits to take away the excess water in the winter. Yes, I often have a little chuckle at those 'escape to the country' shows. All about dreamers! Sue
ReplyDeleteThe tank itself is fine, Sue, being one of those huge concrete jobs, but we think the pipe may have cracked or collapsed, hence the blockage. We'll know the worst once the digger comes.
DeleteThe other thing about the 'escape to the country' programmes is how immaculate all the houses are, with no muddy wellies by the kitchen door and not a leaf out of place in the gardens. :-)
That's one of my small hates about living part-time in France, I'm afraid. All those unfortunate problems with the septic tank...
ReplyDeleteAnd it's another of the myriad reasons why we've launched the search for a new house for our retirement which will, if all goes well, be even closer to London than our current one!
I do envy you your views of rolling hills...but not the septic tank!! :-)
But at least you only have one to worry about. :-) We have two, though thankfully the French one is almost new and working perfectly. Still, we've lived with this septic tank for 40 years now, so we're used to the beast and the views do make up for the occasional aggro.....
DeleteGood luck with the house-hunting. Perhaps the BBC should launch a new programme to help you called 'Escape to the city'. :-)
Oh yuk!! What an 'orrible job. Can we do anything to help - like bringing a cooked meal over for when you've finished, or coming over to be supplying regular top-ups of tea/coffee etc(or anything stronger if needed or wanted)? BH might be able to assist with the strong arm stuff, although he had another fall on Saturday (only down one step this time, in the hall), and, as he's said quite a lot recently, at his age you don't bounce like you used to, and he's still suffering reaction from it. But he has been in the garden for a bit today. Oh again! I've just remembered the forecast for tomorrow - it's threatening wet. Yuk squared!! Let us know, anyway.
ReplyDeleteWe love the 'Fork 'andles' - one of their best. I also used to love their take-offs of musical items that ended the programmes - brilliant!
Love from us both - pax et bonum
Thanks so much for your very kind offer, Helva, but we've done all we can now until the farmer has time to help us. It's a big rock in the ground above the pipe that we need mechanical help with and until that arrives we're staying warm and dry here in the house, while the world outside is shrouded in mist. :-) Where did spring go?
DeleteWe too loved the musical parodies and I must have a hunt on YouTube to see if I can find any of them.
Oh dear - been there, done that when we were on our previous property. Hope you get it sorted with the help of your farmer neighbour.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will all turn out fine in the end, thanks, but it's still nice to have sympathy from someone who's been through it all herself and probably still bears the scars. :-)
DeleteOh the joys of country living. I love the Two Ronnies - that was hilarious, thank you for posting it.
ReplyDeleteThe ones they never tell you about until it's too late. :-) The Two Ronnies never fail to make me laugh out loud and this sketch is truly a classic.
DeleteDid you see the Antiques Roadshow where a retired BBC secretary showed up with a copy of the sketch that she had typed when it was a merely a glint in RB's eye? Valued for several thousands, can't remember exactly how many.
DeleteI didn't see that, but can imagine it would be worth quite a lot. Back then, RB would have wanted to keep it quiet that it was he who wrote so much of the script. It was ages before it became general knowledge that he wrote under the name of Gerald Wiley.
DeleteAh yes, the pleasures of country living...
ReplyDeleteMeantime, the city folks will always dream of the country, and the country folks of the city. Only those who have done both can be realistic about the ins and out.
We retired to a remote area on the coast, wetter and cooler than our previous residence. The place needs constant upkeep, and the services for such upkeep cost way more than in the city.
On days when city folks complain about their traffic and noise, I can post pictures of my coast line and guess which one of us is envied?
You're absolutely right, Rosaria. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side of any fence we happen to live by. :-)
DeleteI'm a true country-dweller by experience and inclination and have only lived in cities or towns for relatively short periods of time when I was much younger. I can honestly say that I've never yearned for city life, whatever the inconveniences of living in a remote place, but I do have to smile at the way country life is sometimes presented in the media. :-)
Your coastline is superb and even I envy you when I see your pictures.
Yes, that sounds like country life! Although I can't complain ... our village is close enough to Wrexham, and for that matter Chester, that we don't really have these problems. I'd happily live in the middle of nowhere mind you, even if it did mean unblocking my own drains, but the Mr. is a townie by birth and probably wouldn't cope with the isolation!
ReplyDeleteI do hope you can get it sorted x
The centre of our village is on the mains too, both water and drainage, but all the properties up in the hills have neither. In fact I read somewhere that a quarter of houses in our part of Powys don't have mains water or drainage and I'm guessing that things are pretty similar in all the remoter Welsh areas. Our village didn't even get mains electricity until 1963!
DeleteYou might be surprised if the Mr. finally got the chance to try deeply rural living. My DH is also a townie by birth and upbringing, yet I reckon the only way he will leave this house is feet-first!
Hope you do not have sceptic tanks in Scotland and France too!!!
ReplyDeleteI have seen that sketch of the Two Ronnies so many times, and even though I know the punch lines they still make me laugh.
Tomorrow - cross fingers all will be resolved, and you can enjoy this lovely weather.
Well, it's tomorrow now and sadly the lovely weather has vanished and we're lost in the mist and rain again. Sigh....
DeleteLike almost all rural French houses we have a septic tank, but ours is pretty new, put in after we bought the house 10 years ago. However we can relax in Scotland where we are securely on the mains for everything.
What is it about the way the Two Ronnies continue to make us laugh? Pure genius....
Fork 'andles! I'm still laughing over that one, Perpetua. I thought he said four candles as well. tee hee
ReplyDeleteWe're on our own septic and well here on the Cutoff, so, I know what your up against. Good luck and here's hoping you will be enjoying your spring-like weather soon.
If it's any consolation, Penny, I reckon everyone thinks the same when they first see it and it never fails to make me laugh. :-)
DeleteSadly the spring-like weather has vanished again today, but we're hopeful the pipe will be finally unblocked before too long. I imagine that very many homes outside the cities in the USA must be in the same situation as you and us. It's simply not economically viable to bring mains services to everyone, even in developed nations.
You introduce me to some of the best humor! I didn't know The Two Ronnies! I think you may have given me a very good reason to be happy with my "city living." I so often yearn to be in a more remote region, but I've got one up on you, don't I? I can call Dynarod and have service in ten minutes! Ha! There's the upside! But good for you and DH! You got in there and performed like the professionals, and as you complete the project, you can now move on to enjoy your spring-like weather! Hopefully with less back breaking effort.
ReplyDeleteHappy to be of service, Debra. :-) The Two Ronnies are so quintessentially British and are still very popular and much-loved, long after the shows stopped being made.
DeleteThere are downsides to every way of living, but unblocking drains is one I could live without if I had the choice. Still, living high in the hills for so long does make one fairly self-reliant and DH and I can turn our hands to most things by now. That doesn't mean I don't envy you your immediate access to all kinds of services - just not enough to move to the city. :-)
Spring weather - what spring weather? It's back to mist and rain today....
Uh-oh..... I sympathise, and I hope you have won the battle. If it's any comfort, I spent a good few hours unplugging the sewers too- French 1930's plumbing rocks (not). Thanks for the laugh, I love the two Ronnies :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the sympathy, which obviously comes from bitter experience. I've heard some tales about French plumbing, even where there's mains sewage....
DeleteThe battle isn't won yet, but will be eventually, when the mechanised cavalry turns up. :-)
Country folk are totally dependent on the car too.
ReplyDeleteI hope your septic tank gets sorted after all that hard work. I've never had one and never want to live in a house that has one! I'm a mains girl, me. :)
Absolutely! That's one I forgot tom mention, and it's true even of those who live in the village centres, because of the lack of any bus services nowadays.
DeleteI'm sure it will eventually, thanks. I'd quite like to be a mains girl too, but have spent almost all my life not being one, so I doubt things will change now. :-)
I can define my marriage by "sceptic tanks we have cleaned out or unblocked" . Thanks for the Two Ronnies
ReplyDeleteROFL! I can think of more appealing milestones to mark the passage of time. :-) Gosh, we're a resourceful lot, aren't we?
DeleteThe Two Ronnies are made for sharing..... :-)
Erf - septic tanks. Yes a big drawback of living in the country. In 2005 we were promised main drainage in line with European standards by the end of 2010. Hang on ........
ReplyDeleteOh, so you've had that promise too? I well remember how we were all told that every commune had to install mains drainage by 2010, at least within the confines of the bourg. The commune is still waiting and will go on waiting, I guess, and as we're about half a kilometre outside the bourg, I reckon our chances are zero. :-)
DeleteOne day you or I (or maybe both of us reminscing alongside one another) must type up our memories of our home village the first decade the family lived there, from 1953-63, or therabouts; no running water, just a spring well at the end of the lane, the weekly visit of "the toilet man", a zinc bath in front of the Rayburn and sometimes intermittent electricity, especially in winter. We could flesh out with more details between us...
ReplyDeleteThe same idea had already occurred to me after I did the Christmas memories one last December and an outline is in my drafts folder for future pondering. Perhaps we ought to put our heads together before long the way my memory is getting fuzzy on some of the details. :-)
DeletePS I nearly missed this comment, as for some reason Blogger has mislaid the notification email....
I don't envy you that task. Not so long ago, we had a blocked sewer pipe and had to call a man out -- unfortunately, something 'happened' and the pipe back up into the garage -- directly under my study! So not only the garage, but my study smelled like XXXX! A baby wipe was discovered as part of the problem, but it also seems that roots have got into the pipe -- which means a 500 pound bill to sort it out.
ReplyDeleteBut the worst waits for us in France. The Powers That Be have decided that we have to replace our fosse with a different set-up and it will cost 5,000 euros (at least) to replace. Apparently this is a requirement throughout France. We could get a way with not doing so, but if we would not be able to sell the place without it being done -- so that's coming up soon, as well. Not only did a lovely young man come to explain the situation to us -- quite uninvited -- but we have to pay 75 euros for the visit! The French certainly have a 'je ne sais quoi' about them, non?
Ouch, I don't envy you that experience! At least we caught ours before it backed up as far as the house and we're now well on the way to getting it sorted out, though it will be tomorrow or Friday before it's completely finished.
DeleteAs for France, you've obviously been caught in the toils of the dreaded SPANC inspection! We had ours a couple of years ago and passed with flying colours except that the installer had omitted to give us an inspection cover at the beginning of the soakaway area. Mind you, it should have passed as it was only in 2004 that we had it installed. The only loo when we bought was a pit in a little shed across the garden! I can't remember exactly how much ours cost, but it was in the region of the figure you've been quoted and yes, you can't sell now if the fosse isn't 'aux normes'.
Our inspection (which cost much the same as yours) was done by a slip of a girl, who didn't look old enough to be so competent and knowledgeable, but her expertise failed to impress our elderly bachelor neighbout who has managed all his life without a proper fosse. "Elle sait rien" was his withering comment after her visit and he's not planning to sell, so will probably not do anything about it.
Enjoyed the 2 Ronnies.Good luck with your drain, and take care.
ReplyDeleteThe Two Ronnies are wonderful! The drain is making progress and hopefully will be sorted out by the weekend at the latest.
DeleteWe have yet to explore the delights of our septic tank - and your blog makes me realise we had better find out where it actually is. The property people hadn't realised we were not on main drains and the tank has not been touched during the last incumbancy and they don't know where it is located (as they said - it must be working well!) The last rector had a very good vegetable patch - has that got anything to do with it?
ReplyDeleteFinding your tank before there's a problem would be a REALLY good idea. There should be a manhole cover or two to indicate its presence, unless of course they have become overgrown, which isn't impossible. Unless the last incumbency was a very short one, the tank will definitely be in need of emptying before long. I would also imagine the presence of the soakaway could explain a certain amount of increased fertility in parts of the garden.:-)
DeleteI too remember the septic tank at the end of the garden and the problems my parents had with it back in the 1950s. They were over the moon when they had mains drainage put in. My sister and I couldn't understand all the fuss! Good luck with yours.
ReplyDeletePatricia x
I think septic tank design and functioning has improved quite a lot over the years, but ours is an old model, installed before we moved here in 1973, so I imagine your parents probably had a similar type. We take all these things in our stride as children, but I can well imagine it was the bane of your parents' existence at times. Ours should be sorted out completely before long, thank goodness.
DeleteDear Perpetua, I hope all is well with that septic tank and its drain! And I hope also you rubbed some ointment on your sore muscles.
ReplyDeleteMy face now has sore muscles from laughing at that video. I've never seen the two Ronnies before. I'll go to youtube to see if I can find any more skits by them. Thanks for sharing! Peace.
The septic tank and its drain are now well on the way to recovery, Dee, as are my muscles, thanks.
DeleteI'm glad you enjoyed the Two Ronnies so much and I'm sure you'll find a lot more of their classic sketches on YouTube. British television has produced some wonderful comedians over the years, quite often in double acts like this, and their work is still very much loved and remembered over here, though it's not usually well-known elsewhere.
The only property programme that's a little more realistic is Homes under the Hammer, the rest are much like the blurb you get from estate agents.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure when our septic tank is due for cleaning, it will be a DIY job, so not looking forward to that. I sympathise with you!
Love that Two Ronnies sketch xxx
Exactly, Ayak. The houses are all impossibly tidy and sparkling with not a glimpse of country clutter and mess, like the chainsaw on the shoe-stand by the kitchen door, waiting for DH to go out and cut wood. :-)
DeletePoor you, at least we don't have to empty our own septic tank when it needs it and I'm very grateful for that after the past couple of days. The Two Ronnies have been an excellent distraction. :-)
After over 15 years of country living, I know both the up & down sides of doing so. But at least we did have mains drainage so no septic tank problems. However, I do remember as a trustee of St. Fergus, having an expensive problem with the septic tank there.
ReplyDeleteThe 'Two Ronnies' are wonderful and 'fork handles/four candles' has almost become synonymous in English for saying one thing & it being heard as something else. Watching the clip again, still brings a laugh even though I know what's coming!
Yes, you were luckier than a fellow-blogger who has just moved into a country rectory with a septic tank. At least the centres of our bigger villages were on the mains, but the St Fergus problem must have been a headache for you.
DeleteI must have watched this sketch countless times and like you I always laugh because it's so very well-observed and beautifully written and acted. A true classic.
I forgot to add my best wishes for 'Saint's Day' as today the Church of England calendar commemorates 'Perpetua, Felicity & their Companions'.
DeleteThanks, Ricky. How nice to have a second Saint's Day to go with my pseudonym, which is now starting to feel like a real second name. :-)
DeleteOne of the places we nearly bought had pozo proprio (own water) and pozo negro (black water) - not sure if it was a septic tank or just a literal black hole in the ground. One of the many reasons for not buying it.
ReplyDeleteBut unlike you, our country village finca - touch wood - doesn't seem to have drainage issues. Unlike our city flat. Still, have drain rods, will persevere and placate the Env health officer.
Got to love old hardware stores and men in brown coats. I thought I had got it on the Os. I was thinking of O rings though, so being too clever there :D
It could well have been just a hole in the ground which was all our French house had when we bought it. Installing a septic tank was the first big job in the renovation process. We have a well there too, but it was capped when mains water came.
DeleteTo be fair to our septic tank here, this is the first time in 40 years it's given us problems, so we can't grumble too much. I would find it much more frustrating to have the kind of recurrent problems you've described on your blog and I admire your perseverance.
There used to be an ironmonger's in the nearby market town just like this, even to the men in brown coats and the plethora of drawers and cardboard boxes. We never had to ask them for Os though. :-)
I'm intrigued by the idea of a Dynarod Service. Sometimes I think I could use such. But I'm not sure, and I don't want you to tell me.
ReplyDeleteI hope you never have occasion to find out. :-)
DeleteSPANK - so appropriate - have not managed to visit us yet in France, due, no doubt to the number of doughty pensioners who won't let them on their property in the surrounding communes.
ReplyDeleteOnce they do no doubt our fosse...installed in the then norms in 2000...will be found to be defective.
We had the fosse cleared at a previous house and the operative came to show us the cause of the problem...a mighty set of false teeth that looked as though they would fit a carthorse.
The inspectors are having a terrible time trying to get all the inspections done. Apparently the initial ones should all have been done by last year at the latest (ours was in 2009), but of course, being France, the goalposts keep moving. :-) I shouldn't worry - a fosse installed in 2000 will look state-of-the-art compared to most of what they're finding.
DeleteI wouldn't like to guess what's caused the blockage with us, except that it's unlike to be false teeth. :-)
How I feel for you, Perpetua! I hope the problem is now resolved. In our experience of similar blockages, they seem to require clearing in the dark, involving wrapping up warm and juggling torches and drain rods and trying not to fall down or lose vital tools down the various manholes! And last week our well supply stopped, so we spent several days emptying and digging out the well (farmer left the lid off - in the sheep field - aaarrrggghhh!)and then replacing the ball valve and entry pipe into the holding tank! Fortunately we do also have mains water for indoor use, but that was only installed after several years of running out of water altogether in the summer, and the grim experience of the result of a buzzard chasing a rat under the lid of the old well.......
ReplyDeleteCountry living!! Oh yessss!
Spindrift51
Ouch, well problems are just as bad a septic tank problems in their way, and I don't envy you, Spindrift. Been there, done that, on many occasions in the more distant past (including the running dry in summer)until we finally had a new well sunk which has never let us down except when one small section of pipe needed replacing, which wasn't difficult. Mind you, not having mains water up here, we really need that well to function reliably.
DeleteAs soon as this spell of wintry weather is past we know just what to do to complete the repair and it shouldn't prove too difficult. We actually called a local firm in last week and all he did was to crack the pipe without shifting the blockage, so we'll finish the job ourselves. :-)
Obviously the old adage is true - 'If you want a job done properly, do it yourself'! How ever are you managing? My mind is boggling wildly!! Offer of help in any form (including coming over here for any necessities like laundry etc) still applies.
ReplyDeleteLove from us both.
Thanks for the kind offer, but it's not a problem in the short-term, as the system has a couple of small cisterns on the way to the main tank which act as holding tanks until we can deal with the blocked pipe. The blockage has probably been there for ages, but it wasn't until the smaller cisterns couldn't cope any longer that we knew there was a problem and had to track it down. All in a day's work here in the depths of the countryside....... :-)
DeleteOh, how true. Here in the Midwest, the pleasures of the countryside come with slow-moving "honeypots" (manure spreaders) or Amish in horse and buggy!
ReplyDeleteWas only recently introduced to the Two Ronnies. :-) Love it.
Pearl
It's the same the world over in rural areas. :-) We get the occasional horse and rider here, but I've yet to see a horse and buggy. Don't talk to me about manure spreaders! Yesterday, on the way home from church, I had to reverse a LONG way up a single-track road to find a place where the most enormous tractor with muck-spreader could actually get past me. Sigh....
DeleteThank goodness for the Two Ronnies for light relief. :-)
Just visiting from Maa's (Sue) blog. Yes here in Australia we get UK programs such as 'Escape to the Country'...but the people depicted always seem to have unlimited money to spend! I read your profile and my goodness what an interesting working life you've had. :-)
ReplyDeleteNice of you to drop in, Maria. Yes, the budgets in these programmes always seem to be enormous by most people's standards, as are the houses they are shown.
DeleteI suppose my working life has been a bit out of the ordinary. Certainly when I first started work in the library I could never have guessed what I would go on to do. :-)
A house that was already connected to the drains was one of our main priorities when we were looking for one.....how glad I am !!
ReplyDeleteAnd oh how I miss the two Ronnies, and so many more of the old comedy shows. The stuff that goes for comedy these days is just awful - unwatchable. If I want to see people sniping at each other with an f in every other word, I'll just get the bus into town.......
How wise. I must admit that this condition never occurred to us, probably because we hare so used to living with a septic tank. At least in France our fosse is new.
DeleteI'm with you all the way on the subject of modern comedy which is why I often turn to YouTube to see what I'm missing. DH and I also love listen to the repeats of the old radio favourites on Radio 4 Extra. Such fun!