Monday, April 29, 2013

There are some days you can’t forget…

 …and April 29th is one of those for me. Incredible as it may seem, it was 45 years ago today that my 22 year-old self and my stripling of a fiancé (a mere 21 year-old) tied the knot in the smallest wedding ceremony it is legally possible to have. Four and a half decades, two children, and three grandsons later, despite being considerably older, fatter and greyer, we are happier and more in love than ever and I still think I must be the luckiest woman alive.

As I type this, DH is sitting downstairs after one of his favourite meals, happily engrossed in his beloved snooker (the World Championship has just entered its second week). Meanwhile I’m comfortably ensconced at my desk with a glass of rather nice French rosé, thinking back over the years and realising that, with all its ups and downs, I wouldn't have had our life together any other way.

But today isn't simply our wedding anniversary. Eleven years ago today I had just reached the end of the first year of my second career as a parish priest. DH and I had temporarily exchanged our Welsh farmhouse for an Edwardian vicarage and I was busier than I think I have ever been in my life, before or since. Not only was my diary (which I have open in front of me as a reminder) crammed with pastoral visits, parish meetings and other appointments, but we had our eldest grandson staying with us while his mother prepared for the birth of her second child.

On the evening of the 29th I had two successive meetings at the vicarage and DH was left to put Grandson#1 to bed, while I tried to concentrate on parish affairs, knowing all the while that DD was in labour. Finally, at 9.30, the last member of the parochial church council said goodnight and I was free to discover whether I had become a grandmother again. You can imagine my jubilation on discovering that, while I was busy discussing the minutiae of parish finances, Grandson#2 had indeed made his entrance into the world and Grandson#1 had become an older brother. 


Eleven years on, Grandson#2 is in his last term at primary school and looking forward eagerly to the adventure of starting secondary school after the summer holidays. Those years have flown, as did the thirty-four which preceded them, yet I can still remember every detail of that quiet, happy and rain-sodden April day when DH and I said ‘I do’.

78 comments:

  1. This is such a special day for you Perpetua. Happy wedding anniversary and happy birthday to your grandson as well. My (first born) son is 46 today - a good day all round:)

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    1. Thanks, Molly, and a very happy birthday to your son also. The 29th seems to be a popular day for birthdays as a friend's grandson shares it too. :-) It just happens that a couple of young royals chose to get married on this day also....

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  2. Happy wedding anniversary Perpetua..
    I love how you wrote your post. Its a loving story. Both of you still very much in love ..with a lovely family.
    I wish you many more years of happiness together.
    It rained on my wedding day ... have a wonderful night.
    best wishes
    val xx

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    1. Thanks, Val. We think ourselves very fortunate to have been so happy together over the years and are very content in our retirement together.

      So you're another bride the sun didn't shine on. It was awful weather for us, but I gather that there is an Italian saying that says rain on one's wedding day brings good luck: “Sposa Bagnata, Sposa Fortunata,” which when translated literally means “Wet Bride, Lucky Bride.” :-)

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    2. In English, we also have "It's harder to untie a wet knot"

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    3. Do you know, I've never heard that. It was certainly wet enough that day to make any knot inextricably tied. :-)

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  3. Happy Anniversary Perpetua, anmd many more to come.
    It is my step-grandson's birthday today also, and the birthday of my garden designer/decorator neighbour too.
    Something in the air perhaps?

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    1. Thanks, Ray. What, more birthdays on the 29th? As you say, it must be something in the air or the water. There are whole stretches of the year when I don't know of a single birthday. :-)

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  4. Happy anniversary, Perpetua. It sounds like you two have had a lovely life together.
    I hope you remain just as happy for ever more!

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    1. Thanks, Jean. Yes, we have been very happy, despite some difficult times which no-one can avoid. I think we are lucky to be very content in each other's company.

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  5. Many congratulations Perpetua & to DH on this special day. I love the photo of the occasion - you both have a great late 1960s look :-)

    However, I had forgotten that the young royals had also got married on exactly the same day two years ago, resulting in my first appearance on Czech TV! Obviously a date with great significance.

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    1. Thanks, Ricky. Oh yes, we were definitely of the 60's generation, with DH's Beatles hairdo and my psychedelically-coloured dress. It's a pity the photo is in black and white. :-)

      I remember your post about your appearance on Czech TV on the royal wedding day. DH and I thought they had chosen a very auspicious date!

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  6. Happy Sapphire wedding anniversary to both of you, with much love from the BH & me, and many more to come, DV. Definitely not a day for the blues, though, is it, despite the colour of the stone! Love the photo - weren't specs different then! Ahhhhh.. love's young dream (still going strong).

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    1. Thanks, Helva. I dropped strong hints to DH about it being our sapphire anniversary, but since my engagement ring was sapphire and diamond and he gave me a matching eternity ring for our 25th, I think he thought he'd done enough.:-))

      As for the specs, so 60s, but I believe these heavy frames are coming back into fashion as the wheel turns full circle again....

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  7. What a wonderful ribbon of happiness you unfold...I am so very happy for you that the 29th has given you double joy.

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    1. What a lovely way of putting it it, Helen - a ribbon of happiness. :-) Yes, today is a very special day for our family.

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  8. Happy Anniversary! You inspire me to do a retrospective - though I'll have to wait till July, a real teacher's wedding month in Scotland. Despite my being the same age as you, we waited another couple of years before we married, and even then my father described us as being "very young - just children, really"!

    Lovely post.

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    1. Thanks, Christine. I do hope you do a retrospective, as I find them so rewarding to think through and write. We did marry young, but people did back then. I remember a whole rash of weddings within a couple of years of our year finishing university, so a good crop of our friends are also celebrating long and happy marriages.

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  9. Congratulations and best wishes for many more wonderful years together. You are blessed to have such joy.

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    1. Thanks, Bonnie, we are indeed. We are grateful for every extra year we have together, as both our fathers died relatively young after less than forty years of marriage.

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  10. Happy Anniversary Perpetua! What a beautiful tribute to a long and happy marriage. Love your wedding outfits, 60s Perfection which I remember very well. You two look not unlike us, a couple of years later! Hope you had a lovely celebratory day together. Oh, and my birthday is also on the 29th ..

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    1. Thanks, Patricia, we've had a lovely day. I think this post just wrote itself when I sat down to remember. With your liking for retro, you would have loved the material of my dress - hot pink and orange and I don't know what else - and DH's hairstyle couldn't be anything but 60s.... As for your birthday, you forgot to mention which month. :-)

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  11. Happy anniversary Perpetua:) Your post shines with love, and the added speciality of a grandson's birthday on the same date just adds to the occasion.

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    1. Thanks, Shirley. April is full of family birthdays for us, but only one coincides with our anniversary which makes it extra-special.

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    1. Thanks, Linda. Anniversaries usually set me off remembering....

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  13. Happy Anniversary to you and your Dear Husband. I have always believed that one of the best things for a happy marriage is to be surrounded by other happily married couples - on the ground and in cyber space!

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    1. Thanks, Pondside. You're absolutely right and I know a lot of people who have been married as long or longer than DH and I. In cyberspace I well remember the lovely post your wrote when you and The Great Dane celebrated your 39th anniversary last year.

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  14. 45 years - and counting! What a lovely post to commemorate your anniversary, and your grandson's birthday. You and DH look so young and happy and full of the promises that would come. I smiled looking at you, recalling a bit of myself and Tom as well, I suppose, as we will be soon celebrating 40 years. Where does the time go?

    Congratulations, Perpetua, and many more years to come. Penny

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    1. Thanks, Penny. We could never have imagined such a number back then, but the years seem to have passed remarkably quickly. We were indeed very young and hadn't a clue what was ahead of us. I think you and Tom will be doing rather a lot of remembering as your 40th anniversary approaches. :-)

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  15. Happy Anniversary! This was such a lovely post. It is an amazing thing to say you wouldn't have had your life any other way.

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    1. Thanks, Kristie. It was good to look back and give thanks. Of course there have been hard and painful times over the years, but no-one can escape those. It's just that I really can't imagine what my life would have been without my DH.

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  16. Happy Anniversary Perpetua, and you paint a picture of how a marriage should be, with such happiness. And happy birthday to your grandson, who we know shares the same birthday as my grandson Jimi. xxx

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    1. Thanks, Ayak. I think DH and I have been very fortunate in our marriage. For one thing I can't imagine either of us finding someone else who would have put up so well with our quirks. :-)

      With yesterday being a school day Grandson#2 celebrated his birthday on Sunday and enjoyed himself as much as I'm sure Jimi did.

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  17. Beautiful post - and I've loved some of the comments too. I can now see you two tied up in a soggy ribbon of happiness...a 60s psychedelic one at that! I had some wallpaper very similar to your dress on my bedroom walls probably around the time you got married - I loved it, though thinking back to it now, I'm not sure how I slept!

    It's said we make our own happiness and I'm sure there's much truth in that, Perpetua. Happy Anniversary is certainly is.
    Love, Axxx

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    1. Thanks, Annie. You and I have both remarked in the past that comments are often the best bit of blogging. The thought of having bedroom wallpaper that in any way approached the intense garishness of my dress fabric makes the mind boggle. If you could sleep surrounded by that, you could sleep anywhere.:-)

      I think we have to try to make our own happiness where we can, but the process is enormously helped by the important people in our lives.

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  18. Hari Om
    MUBHARAK HO! am a little late in the greetings but none the less heart-felt for all that. Another wonderful sharing Perpetua-ji and it is lovely to be part of your joy! Hugs, YAM xx

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    1. Thanks, Yam. Since I didn't post until it was the wee sma' hours where you are, you can't really help being late. :-) You've probably gathered by now that I enjoy reminiscing and I'm glad you enjoyed my memories.

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  19. Happy Anniversay [belated] :-) May that knot provide many more years of joy for you both.

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    1. Thanks for the good wishes. I think the knot is too tightly tied to come undone now. :-)

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  20. Belated Happy Anniversary Perpetua to you and DH, you both look so young with everything ahead of you both. What a lovely cherry on the cake when your second grandson arrived on the same date. Today our first granddaughter was born, she arrived minutes before 1st May dawned, so we are off to Oxford to celebrate with her in a couple of days.

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    1. Thanks, Rosemary. We were very young and pretty naive too, but somehow it all turned out better than we could have ever imagined. It's fun having Grandson#2 sharing the day with us, though i doubt he's yet aware of the fact. :-)

      Enjoy your trip to see your granddaughter and I hope the weather is kind to you. Oxford in early May is magical.

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  21. Happy Anniversary - great to hear that you are still so happy together.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. We know we are very fortunate to still be fit and happy after so many years.

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  22. Happy belated anniversary, Perpetua! It's a blessing to have a long and happy marriage and satisfying to see your grandsons grow and develop. April sounds like a month of celebration in your family.

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    1. Thanks, Linda. Yes, April is probably the busiest month for family celebrations for us. We think ourselves very lucky, both in our marriage and in our family and the grandsons are the source of endless enjoyment.

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  23. Lovely story. I am so glad you are so happy together after all these years. You make a lovely couple then and now.

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    1. Thanks, Kerry. I can honestly say that the passing of so many years has only strengthened our relationship. As for the lovely couple, you may have noticed that I carefully omitted to post a photo of our present selves..... :-)

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  24. Happy Anniversary to you both! And what a romantic beautiful post you have written. It is a wonderful thing to be able to reminisce about so many happy years together! And having met you both, I can say that you both look even more wonderful together!

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    1. Thanks, Broad. I'm a soppy old thing at heart. :-) We both know how fortunate we are and as we get older we do a lot of reminiscing on these occasions. And having met us, you and The Man know how we can both talk, given half a chance..... Let's hope we can meet up again before too long.

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  25. What a beautiful post. You look like Miss Money Penny on that photo, very stylish :-) Congratulations on your anniversary- I hope that I will be able to clock up as many years of marriage (MM looks over her shoulder for cougars...). On a different level, your comment about the investments involved in being a priest struck a very familiar chord: my dad has been a priest for the last 13 years, and he never touches ground! Needless to say, I am very proud of him.

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    1. Thanks, MM. I enjoyed writing it. Miss Moneypenny, eh? Not sure that DH thinks of himself as James Bond.... :-) Ignore the cougars - you and PF are doing very nicely so far.

      Gosh, I didn't realise that your father is a priest too, obviously as a second career as I and many others have done. Which diocese is he in? Yes, there are very few people who work harder than conscientious parish clergy, living over the shop as they do and finding it hard to take time off. All those jokes about Sunday being my only working day soon wore very thin....

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  26. Dear Perpetua, I scrolled back through your recent postings and saw the picture of yourself as you celebrated your birthday. There is a smile in your eyes and on your lips and that smile is lovely and says so much about your embrace of life.

    And the photograph today of you and your husband some 45 years ago is equally catching. That is, you both seem so content in your love for one another. So it is good to learn that the promise of that early photograph has been fulfilled in your life. I'm happy for you and grateful that I have come, through blogging, to know you. Your good sense and your fortitude speak loud and clear to me. They help me know that all around the world all of us are dreaming and hoping for much the same thing and that the generosity of people everyone reaches all of us in Oneness. Peace and happy anniversary.

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    1. Thanks, Dee. I'm so pleased to see you back reading and commenting, as it must mean you are feeling better after your recent ill-health. We do miss you when you're not around. :-)

      I'm glad you enjoyed the birthday post as well as the anniversary one. We did wonder about getting married on my birthday, but instead chose to have two special occasions only 5 days apart. The fact that much later one of our grandsons came along on our anniversary was the icing on the cake.

      You're right about the contentment DH and I have always felt in our life together. I know it doesn't sound like a very exciting emotion, but it's durable and satisfying. We were so young when we married, but the kernel was there from the beginning and you saw it in that photo taken on our wedding day. We have been blessed.

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  27. Beautiful post P. I wish more people would spread love around like this to counteract all the negative aspects we hear about every day.

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    1. Thanks, BtoB. I was afraid I would sound over-sentimental but every word is true. I've always tried to concentrate on the good things in life, as these are the ones really worth cherishing and celebrating.

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  28. That is such a lovely post Perpetus - strange how in every family there are some dates that ooze significance. You and DH should be so proud of yourselves, and of your children and grandchildren. Many congratulations and even more blessings xx

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    1. Thanks, Catriona. It's always a special day, but this year seemed to have even more significance for us. DH and I are certainly very proud of our children and grandchildren, but for ourselves I think deep gratitude is the overriding emotion we feel.

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  29. oops, sorry, Perpetua not Perpetus! Must learn to proof read my own stuff :(

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    1. LOL, Catriona. I'm always doing things like that. :-)

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  30. Congratulations to you and our dear b-in-l.

    29 April 2000 was the beginning of the first ever BH weekend The Husband and I spent together a deux, when he travelled by train from HH to Long Hanborough via central London and Oxford to visit me. Thereafter we never bothered with trains, as we didn't "court" for long. I drove over to see him a few times, and after a month or so of that I moved in with him. I said we made our minds up quickly, didn't I?!

    Of course, I still had my own place as I moved into my little Welsh house as well in May 2000, breaking twenty years of ties with West Oxon along the way. Fortunately The Husband fell in love with mid-Wales as well as falling in love with me, and so here we are full-time now.

    It's our tenth wedding anniversary this year, on 31 May, so we will be in our early seventies before we even make silver. I guess we will never catch you up!

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    1. Thanks, baby Sis. Gosh, I didn't know April 29th was a significant day for you and The Husband too. That was the beginning of something very special for you both and yes, you did make your minds up very quickly.:-) DH and I met the day before my 21st birthday and married 5 days after my 22nd, which wasn't exactly slow either, given that we were very busy being students as well.

      I know exactly how many years you've been married as I will never forget your lovely wedding day. It's quality, not just quantity that counts, you know. :-)

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  31. Aah Perpetua that's brought tears to my eyes.

    You forget to say what an attractive young man DH was, such that both me & goldenoldenlady, as teenagers, had mini-crushes on! (Don't tell DH that!)

    Wishing you many more happy contented years together!

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    1. Awww, thanks, PolkaDot. Yes, DH really was rather cute back then, as the photo shows. :-) Goldenoldenlady said the same thing recently, but I never knew it applied to you too. It must be what comes of growing up in an almost exclusively female household. :-)

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  32. You and DH are so blessed -- with each other, with your family, with all that you have shared through the years! Congratulations on your 45th anniversary! It's love and the willingness to work together, to share and to forgive many times over that make a marriage -- not a big, lavish wedding. That's a point that all too many young couples don't grasp.

    My cousin Caron married her high school sweetheart and they just celebrated their 55th anniversary. Their wedding was like yours -- nothing fancy at all with street clothes and an at-home reception with food her mom made -- but it was the beginning of a similarly remarkable life together.

    Thanks for sharing all these years of joy with us! It's so inspiring to read!

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    1. Thanks so much, Kathy. You are so right about the difference between a big, glossy wedding and a good marriage. They are not mutually exclusive, of course, but sadly I've conducted some lavish weddings during my ministry, only to see the relationship founder within a very few years. DH and I often think back to our rather unusual wedding day with a smile, as I'm sure your cousin and her husband do.

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  33. Happy, happy day! What a lovely post. And your DH looks like a Beatle!

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    1. Thanks, Penny, it is indeed a special day. You have no idea how many young British men had Beatle hairstyles back then. :-)

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  34. Happy anniversary P. The photo ( actually both of them) is wonderful. You both look so stylish. I hope you continue to feel you are the luckiest woman alive for many more years. Jx

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    1. Thanks, Janice. There's something about any photo of a brand-new baby that tugs at the heart and I do think DH and I looked quite smart (for us). I echo your wish and keep telling DH that if we get to 50 years, i'll insist on a party. :-)

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  35. Congratulations twice over! What a heartwarming post, with two wonderful photos. May you have many more years of joy together.

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    1. Thanks, DB. They have been good years. Glad you enjoyed the photos. I felt I couldn't let this particular day go unrecorded and as I've never been a journal-keeper, the blog was the only place. :-)

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  36. Congratulations! I too have been married to my man since I was 21. Lifelong partnerships are the very best thing! (I say that, but we're trailing your time together by 15 years!)

    And Happy Birthday to your grandson too :)

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    1. Thanks, Annie. Ah, but you have far more years ahead of you than we do, so I'm betting you reach these dizzy heights too. :-) You're so right about lifelong partnerships, with all the shared memories and experiences and the growing old together. I wouldn't have missed any of it.

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  37. I am so glad to have learned just a little bit more about you, Perpetua. I have been interested in your second career as parish priest. I would love to be able to sit across a cup of tea and delve more into that journey, but since that's not possible, I just look for tidbits of the story as you can share them. :-) The content of our lives is somewhat different, but I've been married 41 years, have raised two children and now delight in grandmotherhood, and I think you've described what I think of as the joys of very ordinary days. I love the aspects of my life that are simply routine and nurturing. I don't crave more. You live in gratitude, and that's what I attempt to do each day. My wedding wasn't much larger--maybe 50 family members and a couple of friends, in the living room of my parent's home. I loved reading this, my friend.

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    1. Debra, I would SO love to be able to sit over a cup (or several) of tea and talk to you about my second career until the cows came home! I can't think of anything I would enjoy more. :-) Despite our very different settings and experience, I think we have a lot in common in terms of family and interests and our approach to life. I shall look forward to the post you'll make when you and Jay reach that 45 year mark. ;-)

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  38. A belated congratulations to you both! The photo is a real gem - I didn't know you married a pop star (DH could substitute for several heart throbs of the time!)

    Spindrift51

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    1. Thanks, Spindrift. Oh yes, DH could have stood in for one or other of the Beatles in their early career. By the time this was taken they had moved into their hippy phase.:-)

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