Monday, May 16, 2011

A sentimental old fool

In the Transit household, as in most others, there are differences of opinion between DH and myself on many subjects – in this case, as to the value of keeping things. Not to put too fine a point on it, DH is an inveterate hoarder, an almost indiscriminate keeper of “stuff that might come in useful one day”.

I, on the other hand, am simply a discriminating guardian of things worth preserving. At the same time, I’m a mainstay of the local charity shops, that is, if I can manage to sneak the bags out to the car, without DH catching me in the act.

But even when I’m in my most fervent house-clearing mode, there are some categories of object at which I draw the line. Books, for instance, unless they are library books, only ever come into the house, never out again. I think I must be almost constitutionally incapable of throwing a book away. After all, books make excellent insulation.

Given my passion for making preserves, I will admit also to finding it hard to throw jam-jars away, but of course I really do need those, don’t I?

And then there are the souvenirs…. Whether it’s a postcard in childish handwriting from a long-ago holiday with grandparents, or a vase that belonged to my mother, and possibly to her mother before her, if it has sentimental value to me, it’s worth keeping and I’ll leave the throwing-away to those who come after me. However, occasionally I do look at something and wonder whether one can take sentimental attachment too far.

The example that comes to mind lives in the cupboard under the sink. It’s a smallish, white, plastic tub, with a cracked and mended pale-blue lid, and long ago it bore a label proclaiming that inside was the then new and magic powder known as Napisan. Today it holds dishwasher powder and I handle it every day. To be honest, it is barely fit for purpose, but I simply can’t bring myself to stop using it and throw it away.

Over forty-two years ago, when DS was born, I was plunged into a new and exhausting world of terry nappies and endless washing, with no washing machine to lighten the load. The height of technological innovation in our kitchen was the gleaming new spin-dryer which DH’s parents kindly gave us for our first Christmas in our new home. But I had one great advantage over my mother at the same stage – I had Napisan. Instead of having to boil all the baby’s things, I could simply soak them in this wonderful solution and hey presto – white again!

The nappies went for cleaning rags decades ago, and the baby who wore them now has a rapidly-growing son of his own, but as long as I can pick up that battered tub and take off its mended lid, I have a concrete link to those far-off days. With the tub in my hand my mind fills with memories of babyhood and a lot of hard work and happiness, when I was young and thin, and my first baby wore hand-knitted leggings and his nappies were soaked in Napisan.

I’m such a sentimental old fool – or am I?

37 comments:

  1. I have a forty-something year old plastic toy donkey that began life as a push-along but has long since lost its wheels! At some point my dad made new wheels for it, but even two of those have long gone. Donkey is pretty useless, but he's mine, and I love him.

    So if you're a s.o.f. then so am I.

    Oh, and I didn't know it was permitted for books (except the library sort) to leave a house... I'm sure there's a law about it somewhere!!

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  2. Thanks, Catriona, and lucky you to still have a childhood toy. Sadly, all mine (not that we had many each back then) succumbed to the depredations of 3 younger sisters, so that all I have are some of my childhood books, plus some that belonged to my mother as a child.

    The only thing against such a law is that there wouldn't be any second-hand books for me to fill the house with.

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  3. My husband is a hoarder; I am 'hoardish'. Although I tried hard to clear things out before we left England for Spain - you wouldn't believe some of the things that have found their way here. And even I don't know the full extent as most of the boxes haven't been unpacked yet...!

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  4. LOL, Annie! Is it a man thing, do you think? We've moved 4 times in the past 10 years and I still can't get DH to throw things away! Heaven only knows what's lurking in the boxes we haven't yet unpacked.

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  5. My toys went off to cousins...much to my displeasure in the case of my red train...so I just hoard books.
    Mr. Fly hoards everything and is off to the recycling centre today to see if he can relieve them of bottles for the beer he is brewing.
    I shudder to think what else he'll find down there which 'might come in handy'.

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  6. Poor Fly, at least I didn't see what remeianed of my toys being given away. the one I really wish I'd held on to is the dolls-house so painstakingly made for me by my father for Christmas when I was about 6. It even had lights that worked and DD would have loved it.

    Glad to know Dh isn't the only man who rakes through the recycling centre and brings stuff home. I refuse to be there when he does it - so embarrassing....

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  7. Hello Perpetua:
    We are at one with you over never hoarding those things which we loosely term as 'junk' and, ever mindful of those who will have to sort through our possessions one day, are quite ruthless when it comes to being rid of things. Nothing, with profuse apologies to DH, is kept just in case it might come in.

    That said, we are the same as you where books are concerned. Can one ever have too many? Storage is sometimes a problem for they overflow bookcases and shelves and are to be found in piles on tables, chairs and, on occasion, the floor.

    The Napisan container would not have survived with us!!

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  8. I still have The Daughter's nappy-changing box, a trendy (then) made-for-purpose, state-of-the-art early 80s plastic item designed and produced by Curver. Since she went out of nappies, even at night, twenty-eight years ago it has become my sewing box. And shows no sign of wearing out or needing replacememnt or discarding. Brilliant! And a receptacle of memories as well as buttons, needles, patterns, threads, etc.

    Like Big Sis, like Baby Sis!

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  9. Oh, but I give books away, joyfully and with enthusiasm. I don't lend, I donate. Since a daughter, a nephew and a niece have all studied English at university since I graduated in 1980 I have given them out by the armful. My old law books from my CPE course went to your DD. I have a core library I have retained for my own pleasure (mostly plays, poetry or detective fiction) but the rest I have cast on the breeze like seeds; not much has landed on stony ground!

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  10. Hello Jane and Lance, glad to know yet another book hoarder. With homes in 3 places we can at least pread the load around a bit, but I still run our of space.

    Do you think you could give my DH some tips on the joys of NOT hoarding, please? Everything I say on the subject seems to be water off a duck's back. Sigh...

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  11. Baby Sis, I love the idea of your nappy-changing sewing-box. Now that's what I call imaginative reuse! Long may the memories come as you reach for your needle and thread...

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  12. Now on that we differ, I'm afraid, Baby Sis. My books for general reading are very precious and I return to them surprisingly often. Sadly I couldn't pass on my university textbooks, as no-one I knew was studying Old High German or the plays of Moliere.

    They and my librarianship textbooks came to a soggy end when we had a flood while they were packed in boxes during the house renovation, so I can no longer have the joy of reminding myself how much I've forgotten.

    I have tried quite hard to find a home for my theological and ministerial books, which are double-stacked for lack of space, but today's students seem to want (or be told to read) more recent titles. Heyho....

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  13. My nappy bucket has finally given up with the last lot of garden gravel I was moving in it. My sons are 24 and 27 - so that's not bad going for a well used bucket. (Oh the delights of the stinking nappy bucket!)

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  14. LOL, Curate's Wife! At least we were saving the planet as we winsed and washed the mucky things.

    My nappy bucket met its end when DH mixed cement in it one too many times and the bottom fell out!

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  15. I can't say I have kept that much, but every now and then I find things that bring back memories. I kept a little diary until the boys were about ten, recording their development alonside photos, clips of hair, birthday cards. It was like a pre blog blog!

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  16. Sue, what a good idea! That's something I wish I'd been organised enough to do when our two were small. We have the photos and lots of other small items, but no accurate timeline to anchor them, and of course with fading memory we now never will have.

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  17. Hi Perpetua,
    Having to seriously downsize from a 4 bedroomed detached Rectory, with two studies & a garage, and where I'd lived for over 15 years, in order to move to a two bedroomed flat in Prague, was a thoroughly theraputic exercise back in August/September 2008. The words of Jesus recorded in Luke 12. v15 that, 'a person's life does not consist in an abundance of possessions', has become my mantra!

    However like you, parting with books is what I find most difficult though I did thin them out a little to the benefit of Mixbury Church Fete. But also like you, I still have one relic of when my children, (now aged 30 & 26), were babies. I still have their baby bath which makes an excellent wet laundry basket to take washing from the washing machine to the clothes rack on the flat balcony!

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  18. I loved your post, Perpetua! It's so lovely and so true! My parents were true hoarders. It took my husband, brother and me a year to clean out their tiny house after they died. But we have our treasures. I came away with my mother's airline wings and her career scrapbook, the first gift my father gave my mother when they were dating (a sexy black dress with red sequined roses on the bodice) and a box of their courtship love letters. And from Aunt Molly's house, I brought a funny plastic parrot alarm clock that squawks "Get up! Get up! Awk! Uh-oh! Get up!!!" She used to play with it, holding it in her lap, listening to the squawks and braying with laughter. I can hold it and still hear her laughter. And so we acquire our curious treasures!

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  19. Ricky, I really admire your resolution in downsizing so comprehensively and not just finding somewhere to store the stuff. I do wish DH could have seen you doing it and learned from your example. I have the awful feeling it's too late now.

    I remember your baby bath and put it to good use last year during my locum visit. Sadly our baby bath was one of the useful things that got passed on to younger family members on both sides when we'd finished with it.

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  20. Thanks so much, Kathy. Written from the heart after a lifetime of living with a hoarder :-) The problem is that the habit gets occasional reinforcement whe he is able to find, in one of his many boxes, just the item needed to mend something....

    I loved your description of your treasures and can imagine how precious they are to you. It is extraordinary how something as mundane as a novelty alarm clock can bring back the essence of a person when the association is there.

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  21. I have not only kept a few of The Daughter's milk teeth, but also one or two of The Dog's puppy teeth (as sharp as needles they were when they were in his mouth!) which I found on the floor after they'd fallen out.

    I have also got put away the clip with TD's dried & powdered, shrivelled up umbilicus attached to it, her wrist tag, and the label that was on her hospital cot. Some might say at least ONE of those items is going TOO FAR! God alone knows what she will do with them when she finds them either after I am gone into the hereafer or into a home. I hope she will laugh a what a silly sentimental mother she has always had.

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  22. Hello Perpetua

    My folks still have my nappy bucket. The lid may have given out a long time ago but, 46 years on, the bucket is going strong. In my 21 years in my wee home I've gone through 3 buckets as each just cracked and disintegrated - they don't make plastic like they used to!

    Michelle and a snoozling Zebby Cat, xxx and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  23. My Dad was the big hoarder when I was growing up. He couldn't part with anything and bought more from charity shops at every opportunity. However Mum was in charge of the church jumble sale for years and one day she decided enough was enough and donated 3 black bags of shirts and jumpers... and Dad bought them all back!! :D

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  24. Hello Perpetua - just wondered where you were. Missed your posts and comments. Hope you are well.
    Ax

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  25. I think once you have gone through a loved ones things you get a better perspective on what can be saved and what might be useful to those who have less...:-)

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  26. Hello, Mickle. What is it about nappy buckets of that era that made them so durable, I wonder? I mentioned above how DH used mine for mixing cement for years. No modern bucket would stand up to that treatment.....

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  27. Wife of a curate, I'm married to a man who sound VERY similar to your father! He hasn't yet gone as far as buying things back when I give them away, but that's probably only because I don't tell him I'm doing it and he he doesn't notice until too late ;-)

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  28. Hi Annie, how kind of you to ask :-) No problem, thanks, just a week away visiting DS and going on a trip with DD, about which more very soon. However, I came back last night to find that not only have my followers disapeared from my blog but I can't comment on anyone else's blog at the moment :-( It's a known Blogger problem, so hopefully it will soon be fixed, but please don't take my lack of comment personally. I'll be back as soon as I can......

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  29. Hello Tabor and thank you for visiting. I know just what you mean about going through a loved one's things as I still remember my four sisters and I going through our mother's house after her death nearly 30 years ago. She wasn't a hoarder, so most things had some personal significance and were shared between us. I pity anyone who has to clear our house if DH outlives me.....

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  30. Apologies, Baby Sis, for not replying to your comment in order. Blame the semi-coma induced by too many hours sitting and travelling.....

    I did think I'd kept at least one each of our two's baby teeth, but if I did, I haven't a clue where they now are. I will freely admit that it didn't even occur to me to keep the other items you mention, but as and when your daughter finds them, she will probably just think how lucky she is to have had a mother who loved her so much.

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  31. Glad you've had a good week off, Perpetua. The problems usually resolve themselves OK so hope you'll be blogging and reading again before too long! I did miss you - though didn't take it personally!

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  32. Thanks, Annie. The comments problem has been solved on the advice of someone from the Help Group, but it does involve not staying permanently logged into Google. However, I don't mind having to log in every time if it means I can comment. Now to find those missing followers...:-)

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  33. I haven't been able to access my blogs....I changed my e mail reference address on Google...Blogger doesn't recognise it and Google won't changeit...keeps on saying there is an account with that address...yes, Google, I know,it is my old account that i changed with you...

    So, I have kept your comments in my inbox, in hope that one day I'll be able to blog again!

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  34. Oh Fly, the whole thing gets worse and worse! My followers reappeared this morning and have now vanished again, I can only comment by not staying signed-in permanently and now you can't even access your own blogs! No wonder people are migrating to Wordpress and other platforms.

    It wouldn't be so bad if Blogger would acknowledge what a lot of problems people are having just mow, but there's just a big, fat silence.

    Are you able to access the Help
    Group at the bottom of your dashboard or can't you even access your dashboard? If you can't, let me know on here and I'll try posing a question on your behalf and see if anyone has any ideas on what you can do to get it sorted.

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  35. I can get through to you using my new Google e mail and password, but I have to delete cookies every time before starting!

    I have reached the help forum...directly off the browser...but so far no replies to my particular problem.
    Thank you for the offer.... most appreciated.

    I may use the new blog setup they are offring me under my new e mail and password, but then I'd need to move everything...how?...and contact the people kind enough to follow me.

    What a mess!
    And how uncommunicative they are.

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  36. I so enjoyed this post. The Man is also a horder par excellence. It's a few years ago now that he actually had a clear out in the cellar -- yes, we have an old-fashioned cellar -- nothing could be better for a born horder. Anyway things were so bad that even he had to get rid of some stuff -- like a 193o's vintage electric heater with frayed cord that would probably have burned the house down had it been plugged in -- he purloined it a few years earlier when friends were having a throw-out and thought maybe he could bring it up-to-date -- I ask you!!! Anyway, at long last several years later he set off to the tip/dump with a load of similar junk. As he was about to turn into the tip/dump he was approached by a group of travellers/gypsies who would look over what was coming in -- he was totally and completely rejected!!! As you can imagine he is quite proud of this...
    My weakness is books -- it has helped to have a house in France, but I love my books. I had to leave so much behind when I came to live in Europe books and many other things. However, the books I did have were all packed away in boxes -- including a complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica and all were destroyed in a flooded cellar. The upside of the move, however, was that I could start my book acquisition all over again!

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  37. Thanks, Broad. Your comment made me laugh out loud. Do you think perhaps The Man and my DH were separated at birth? I'm certainly never met anyone like him for saving things other people would consign to the dustbin without a second thought.

    On the other hand, books as you well know, are never hoarded, only carefully preserved and jealously guarded for their intrinsic worth. It's one reason I steadfastly resist any suggestion that I might get a Kindle and save shelf space. Books do furnish a room.....

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